So Tonya Harding is on meth, right?

Oh, she’s such a crazy mofo. I actually saw her at the mall once; let’s just say that she REALLY, REALLY loves her scrunchies and LA Hair Gel.

Infamous Oregon ice skater Tonya Harding is back in the news.

Clark County sheriff’s deputies responded to two calls early Sunday morning involving Harding.

Police reports describe Harding as "very agitated" and "tweaking out."

Sergeant Tim Bieber told The Oregonian that police received the first call at about 5 a.m.

According to a police report, Harding said four men and a woman tried to break into her car and steal it. In his report, the deputy wrote that Harding’s account was "very implausible."

Harding told police she was on "new medication" and was experiencing an adverse reaction.

Later that same morning, police received another call regarding Harding, this time from a friend who told authorities the skater was "seeing animals."

The deputy took Harding back to her trailer and checked her home to "put her at ease."

Yes, I think we know what the new medication was, right? Did the meth lab give you a bad batch, sweetums?

Oh, and did you know she has her own crazy website? Yep - here’s a message from Tonya herself:

Tonya would like to make enough money boxing then retire to live alone with her Persian cat, Smalls.

"It would be having enough money to go hunting and fishing and go to the big four-wheel-drive mud bogs," she says. "And every once in a while put on a really pretty dress and go to dinner at a place like Applebee’s or something."

I’m sorry, I just had to go clean myself up from laughing so hard. However, that’s not the best part - the best part is the Fantasy section of her site, where horny men of all ages can make up their own sexual stories starring none other than Miss Tonya Harding. Here’s an example:

I had never paid much attention to figure skating until I saw this blonde goddess skate onto the ice. "Who was she? What’s her name?" I watched‚ captivated by her long wavy hair‚ her thick thighs and that little cute smile and her ever present look of anxiety. I couldn’t get enough of her and found myself searching sports pages and TV listings to see when she would be skating on television again. She aroused me. She filled my fantasies when I was alone. I was even caught searching for her on the web while at work. I downloaded images of her and used them to pleasure myself.

Uh, gross. Yeahhhh.

Tags: tonya harding

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