Golden Compass, Brandon’s new hairdo, Woody Harrelson, Amy Winehouse cancels everything, and more

Hey yalls! I’m trying something new for the next coupla weeks - a HUGE LONG ASS POST that will pretty much be your dose of goss for the entire day. Think of it as a multivitamin of gossip, except it’s not really nutritious and you can’t really eat it and it’s not shaped like Fred Flintstone.

Okizzay! Let’s get going here. First, reviews of Nicole Kidman in the Golden Compass looking good so far. In fact, the Guardian compared her to Darth Vader in her evilness…which, quite frankly, didn’t make much sense to me because honestly? I always liked Darth the best. I was totally cheering him on to cut Mr. WhinyPants Luke Skywalker in half…..always kvetching about helping out poor Uncle Owen, going to the Academy, etc. Here’s a trailer:

In other news, Brenden Fraser apparently has bought stock in Hair Club For Men. I’m glad he’s gone back to a more youthful look because dude was making me feel old with the lack of covering there.

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Amazing what a little bit of fake hair can do for you, isn’t it?

Next, Patricia Cornwell who writes the MOST AWESOME mystery novels with Scarpetta as the main character (warning: most of them are majorly gross) has let it be known that she is indeed married to her partner, and loves it, and wants you to know about it, although it probably dosen’t really interest anyone but me because I lurve her books so much:

“What happened was that I went to Harvard to research neuroscience and was directed to meet with Dr Gruber because she’s so eminently respected. It was one of those things: you meet someone when you’re not looking. I’ve never been a soapbox person for gay rights, but now I’m in a same-sex marriage I tend to be more open, because I am outraged that it should be illegal in other states.”

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Well, good for you. On the other side of the womanly spectrum, we have Tara Reid, who (not surprisingly) “stinks of booze and cigarettes”:

Don’t look for Tara Reid on another episode of “Scrubs.” Appearing at the New York Comedy Festival, show creator Bill Lawrence said Reid was his least favorite guest star - “not because she wasn’t a nice person,” but because she allegedly stank of booze and smokes.

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Surely they jest? Do they mean THIS TARA REID?

This picture has “sobriety” written all over it.

The New York Times has a nice writeup of actor Woody Harrelson, who pretty much dropped off the radar ever since he did that godawaful movie about Larry Flynt. He co-stars in the new movie No Country for Old Men; basically the article talks about how lucky he is, how much he loves the environment, family, blah blah blah kind of boring. I just can’t take him too seriously after the whole pot thing:

Last night was the final Dance with the Stars and I thought Mel. B and her partner were the best of the three couples. The whole Marie Osmond fake doll thing was extremely disturbing to say the least - and did you get that she was a WORLD FAMOUS DOLL DESIGNER? Because she wants you to be absolutely sure, mmmkay? Check it out:

Was that weird or WHAT.

Next on the gossip line up we have Amy Winehouse, who not surprisingly has pretty much cancelled EVERYTHING due to her various drug habits, deadbead prisoner husband, drug habits, etc. Here’s what Amy has to say:

In the statement Winehouse said: “I can’t give it my all onstage without my Blake. I’m so sorry but I don’t want to do the shows half-heartedly; I love singing. My husband is everything to me and without him it’s just not the same.” - source

Huh. I don’t know about you, but her constant drama is getting old now. I like her music, but she’s getting on my nerves. Either get off the wacky tobacky and quit the keg runs, or just completely go whole hog and start overdosing yourself into oblivion, Leaving Las Vegas style. Poop or get off the pot, in other words.

In other, more interesting news, we’ve got a full on look at the Joker himself: Heath Ledger:

I can’t WAIT to see this movie, although I most likely will be cowering in fear throughout most of it. Because I’m a wuss like that. - source

I about spat out my morning vodka when I saw THIS one: Kevin Federline, aka The Sperm Donor, on the cover of Details as one of their most influential men under 45. Really, Details? Kevin Federline? KFed? This loser is somehow influential? Did, uh, did you kind of FORGET what the word “influential” means and decided to just run with this one for kicks? Good Sweet Buttered Moses on Toast. I’m completely flabbergasted. I mean, seriously - what has he done other than spread his seed, put out a completely lame album, and married Little Miss Train Wreck?

I think pretty much this clinches Details’ first prize placement in the “We Have Officially Lost Our Collective Minds” contest. - source

This next one is probably not true, but I’m going to run with it, mostly because it made me laugh a little and laughter is good for you, yalls. Here we go:

A source said Julia told everyone, “I would rarely say this, but I think I could have done a better job with this film.” She’s right. She could’ve done a better job at ruining it even more.

Julia’s husband, Danny Moder, worked with Angie on “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” and came home with gossip about Angie flirting with Brad Pitt. This apparently didn’t sit well with Julia, because she’s such a fucking moral saint.

“Danny told her it was obvious that Angelina was making a play for Brad. People on the set called her the Spider-Woman because she was spinning a web for Brad. Julia said Angelina had no shame. She’s made it pretty clear that she doesn’t hold Angie in high regard.”

Hmmmm….what does this remind me of…..I just don’t know…..

A HA! There we go, I knew I would think of it. - source

Tra la la! What do you think about this new format? Please vote in the poll. If you vote, I will send you a Ziploc bag of frozen turkey leftovers.

Well, that’s about it. To end today’s gossip chowder, I give you this classic fight between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee. Until tomorrow, my loverlies!