Snarky Gossip

Dixie Chicks controversy, Paul and Rosanna, Katharine Heigl in Vanity Fair, more Heather Mills porno pics, Jennifer Lopez gots a big ol’ belly, Wacko Jacko, Britney pregnant? and more

by Wendy on December 3rd, 2007

Lawsie mercy, you guys. Okay. So, I’ve introduced you to my dog Harley, right? (He’s the one in the Sponge Bob costume there.) Well, instead of doing his doggy business at 11 PM last night, you know, like NORMAL DOGS, he decides to wait until 2 AM and wake us up by whimpering and walking around frantically all over the house. That’s his version of jumping around on one foot holding his crotch, I guess.

And THEN, to further add to the pet infractions, one of my cats totally horked up….something…all over the floor like right in front of me this morning. So all of my pets are officially on my poop list; however, this really never lasts that long, basically because I’m a huge pushover (this is why I’m banned from PetSmart or any other pet stores, btw: I’ve come home with an animal or TWO every single fricking time. It’s pitiful.).

ANYWAY. On to the goss, of which I have quite a bit for you this morning - suhweet! Always good to have a lot of gossip on a Monday, you know, to start the week off right. First, the Dixie Chicks are on a personal crusade to free three men they think were wrongfully convicted:

The Dixie Chicks have a new controversy on their hands. In particular, lead singer Natalie Maines is urging people to contribute money to a defense fund for three Arkansas men that she (and many others) believe were wrongly convicted of killing three children in 1993.

- source
You can see this on the official Dixie Chicks site; on a completely inappropriate note, do you think someone should tell Natalie Maines to stop going for the whole pouty look? Because honestly, she looks like a pre-op trannie when she does that. Just sayin’.

Next, are Paul McCartney and Rosanna Arquette hooking up? It seems so; but then again, any woman that Paul spends more than five minutes with is going to get this kind of intense scrutiny. I don’t see him really wanting to pursue anything serious after the whole Heather Mills debacle.

Katharine Heigl is on the cover of Vanity Fair this month; she’s got a lot to say and unfortunately none of it is really interesting (believe me, I know - I slogged through all of it for you.). However, she done got herself all purtied up! Looky:

Ooh, and look at this one too:

Love this photoshoot; you can see the rest of it here. She’s so pretty that you don’t want to like her, but she’s very personable. Plus, that whole Grey’s Anatomy storyline with her and Denny? I mean, COME ON. Ridiculous. I cried enough to embarrass myself, and then I cried a little bit more.

Well! We’ve got us some more Heather Mills porno pics. Aren’t you glad? Aren’t you just SO GLAD??

She pulled down her top to expose her boobs and splayed her legs in this classic porn magazine pose.

And in another of the explicit shots — taken before she lost her leg in a 1993 road accident-she writhed knickerless on a white quilted bed, cupping her naked breasts.

Across the pages of the smutty mag, pouting Heather boasts: “I’m gonna drive you crazy with my body…”.

Awwww, yeah. -source Okay, so cue the corny porno music, because HERE WE GO:

You can see the non-censored pics here; if you DO actually click through, could you perhaps tell me why her aerolas are so ginormous? Because I’m puzzled by that.

Jennifer Lopez is showing off her belly; the bigger she gets, the more corpse-like Skeletor, er, Marc Anthony, looks. I think JLo should start slipping him some of her prenatal vitamins.

-source

Next: do you know who this guy is in the blue? You know, the one who looks like he’s about to have a coronary?

Did you guess? It’s Mr. Madonna, also known as Guy Ritchie. Apparently he’s taken up jujitsu. Wouldn’t it be AWESOME if we saw him getting all Matrix with Madge? I would pay cash money to see that fight. - source

Okay kids - hold on to your pancakes, because we’re going to venture somewhere few people have dared to venture (btw, if you say the word “venture” over and over again, it doesn’t sound like a word anymore. Try it.). Are you ready? Okay, I warned you:

That horribly awkward Ebony magazine last month with Michael Jackson on the cover? Well, this is the reality, kids. Apparently, there is a top-secret version of Photoshop sold ONLY to those unfortunates that have to photograph celebrities that need a lot of extra help; this exclusive software includes a special spackle brush, as well as the Honky-Izer, the GetRidOfThatPeskySkinPigment tool, and of course, the Good God - What Did You Do To Yourself? button. I think you can buy it at Wal-Mart. - source

Oh! And there was a little, teensy wensy event yesterday, you MIGHT have heard about it. Something about the Spice Girls kicking off their world tour?

Who am I kidding - I would have LOVED to gone see them in concert. Anyone out there got tickets? Here’s another pic for you; this one is of Geri Halliwell. While I admire her for her obviously strict fitness regime, I do have give a little “What The?” on those legs. They sorta scare me a little.

- source

Hey! Guess what! It’s time for the daily Seriously, What The F&%*, Britney Spears? moment!
Rumors just will NOT go away that Britney “Fertile Myrtle” Spears is pregnant, this time by one of her backup dancers named…wait for it….Chuck. I think it’s time to ditch the backup dancers, Brit - I just don’t think it’s working out for you. Remember what we talked about last week?

Really, I do believe many of your problems could be solved with this simple solution.

Hey, guess what? Amy Winehouse has TOTALLY gotten her act together, yalls.

Ahem. Well, substitute the phrase “gotten her act together” for “walking around half-naked and disoriented last night” and you’d be closer to the mark.

Onlookers said she appeared disorientated as she wandered around on the pavement for several minutes in the freezing cold before disappearing back inside.
The 24-year-old singer, who cancelled her UK tour last week, has ignored pleas from her family to seek help for her addiction to drugs.
They had hoped that she would return to the Causeway Clinic in Essex, where she has already had two failed attempts to get herself clean.
Instead, she has been ‘resting’ at a friend’s house in East London.
Quite why she came outside only half dressed in the early hours is unclear. One onlooker said she looked up and down the road as if she was waiting for someone, but no one arrived at the house.
“She came out of the house, walked down the drive and wandered around on the pavement for a bit.
“She looked upset and agitated but there was no obvious reason for her to have come outside. It was weird.”

- source
Well, we don’t know what she was doing….maybe she had forgotten to close the side passenger door on her van and hey guess what? Now it’s all wet! Actually, that would be ME that did that, but you probably already figured that out. Right?

Oh, and Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon joined the Mile High Club this weekend. UH HUH. Yes, they were flying together from Frankfort to Los Angeles, got bored, and decided to bonk in the toilet for 11 minutes. Okay, first of all: GROSS. Second, I hate these stupid sex in the airplane toilet bathroom stories, because anyone who has been on an airplane for more than FIVE FRIGGIN SECONDS knows that those bathrooms are so tiny it’s hard to put one person in there, let alone two. Third, GROSS. -source
Oh, by the way? Did you know that Lil Kim is an instrument of God?

She is a stunning young lady. This video actually made me tear up a little, but then I thought about it and started giggling instead. She is such a dumbass.

Okay, what else do we gots today sweet babies:

• Kate Moss is topless and sunbathing in Mexico
• Sylvester Stallone got a bigass tattoo of his wife on his bicep
• Patti LaBelle talks about lipstick lesbians
• Wonder Woman has been officially cast

That’s about it for today. My cat is looking at me; I think she knows I posted the news that she horked on this blog; she’s sensitive that way. Until tomorrow, I leave you with this to ponder:

See you Tuesday, my loverlies!

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POSTED IN: AWESOME, Actors, Actresses, Awkward Moments, BOOBIES!, Celebrity Babies, Celebrity Couples, Celebrity Oops, Crack is Wack, Crazy YouTube-er of the Day, Droolworthy, Heartwarming Animal Stories, Hot Mess, Sick Puppy, Singers