Let’s have a little gossip with our morning coffee, shall we?

February 13, 2008 by Wendy Boswell

Aretha Franklin Got Dissed, Yalls

Why is Boobie McBoobiestein so mad? Well, because at the Grammy Awards Sunday night, Beyonce introduced Tina Turner as the “queen”, as in “give it up for the queen”. So Aretha got all miffed and issued a statement through her publicist that “she’s not sure whose toes she stepped on, I’m the Queen, blah blah blah pay attention to me” on and on. Which is completely stoopid, because both Tina and Aretha are queens and to make a big deal over this makes her look petty and small. Plus, we all know that there’s plenty of room for two queens in the world; just look at Elton John and David Furnish, for example.

Next: Star Wars geeks all over the world are presently having a group orgasm, because George Lucas just announced he’s making another movie.

Another Star Wars movie coming our way!

It’s not an actual movie with PEOPLE and everything; it’s going to be animated, but still – it’s an actual Star Wars movie with George Lucas at the helm instead of just another basement living junkie who dresses up in Princess Leia’s metal bikini and sends his picture to people nicknamed “Star_Wars_4er”. Comes out August 15, 2008.- source

Next! Gary Coleman got married to someone who apparently is really, REALLY desperate.

Gary Coleman is Married

Apparently, the cash-poor star has been married to this young lady (she’s 22, he’s 40) since AUGUST. Her name is Shannon Price. Well, so I guess it’s been her selling all his pants on eBay then? - source

Next: Eva Longoria is feeling old and decrepit.

Eva Longoria Finds Something NEW to Whine About

So: apparently, Eva doesn’t like it when people address her as “Mrs.”, even though that’s the respectful way to address someone who is married. She says it makes her feel old. Well, crap, Eva! This sounds like a serious issue! We’d better call up UNICEF and get you signed up straightaway; screw those refugee orphans, this is some REAL SUFFERING here. – source

Next: someone has been dipping into the Botox!

Sylvester Stallone Looks Suspiciously Good

Here’s a before and after so you can see what I’m talking about:

Stallone credits this new look to eating lots of fish. So, I guess the next time I go to Costco, I need to pick up the giant sized bag of haddock or pike or SOMETHING. I hate fish, but what the hell. – source

Next! I’m kind of embarrassed for Catharine Zeta-Jones in her next movie; she’s playing a belly dancer. Uh huh.

Catharine Zeta-Jones Is Making Me Squirmy

Cathy is going to play not only a belly dancer, but a PSYCHIC belly dancer in her next movie coming up with Guy Pearce as Harry Houdini. Oh, yeah, sounds great – has “Oscar” written all over it, I’m sure. Geez, at this point it’s like watching my Auntie slither across the stage dressed in her QVC support garments. – source

Next: Idiot Mom Alert.

Moronic Moms bring their daughters to get taught by Britney Spears

Would you allow your young daughter to be taught ANYTHING from this woman?

Well, some people don’t have your common sense. Apparently, in her spare time between teasing paparazzi, losing custody of her kids, being in the mental ward, and getting drunk/stoned without any panties on, Britney Spears is teaching dance classes. You’ve got to read this, it’s hard to summarize:

“I got a call at 5 p.m. [Monday] saying that Britney was teaching a dancing class at 6 p.m. and that Gigi should come,” mom Grace told Us yesterday afternoon after Spears’ second class.
“So we rush down here and when we arrived, we were ushered to the back. There were photographers on the balconies — it was crazy!”
When they arrived, they immediately spotted Spears, who was “dressed in tiny black shorts with a pink top and black boots,” said mom Grace.
Added daughter Gigi, “[Britney] came up and gave me a big hug. She hugged me three times last night! She was so nice. I brought her a chocolate Valentine rose. She said thank you and put it in her bag.”
Daughter Gigi said they danced to Madonna’s “Material Girl.”
“Britney was very into it and personally made sure every kid was having a great time,” mom Grace said.
As the students left the room, Spears “told us that she appreciates us coming and she hopes we come again,” mom Grace said.
Added daughter Gigi: “She hugged me again. When I got home, I cried in bed because I was so happy.”
They returned Tuesday for a second session.
“We showed up, and she was wearing Cheetah shorts and looked so healthy and beautiful,” the student’s mother, Grace, told Us. “Her butt was hanging out.”
Despite the fashion slip-up, daughter Gigi said Spears was still in control.
“We danced, and she hugged me again. I gave her my phone number on a Valentine card and she said thank you,” Gigi said.
Spears, mom Grace said, “welled up with tears and said that she really appreciated it.”
When asked if she thought Spears is “a good mommy,” daughter Gigi emphatically told Us, “Yes!”
Mom Grace told Us she wasn’t uneasy leaving her daughter under Spears’ guidance.
“I have never seen my daughter so happy!” mom Grace told Us. “She is learning some dance moves too that she was doing all last night.
“She was so excited to show them to Britney today and told her that she practiced for her. Britney said, ‘Awwww!’”
Spears, added mom Grace, “is young and made some mistakes. It is obvious that she loves kids very much and that she is great with children. I will bring my daughter to every one of her classes.”

– source

I just have no clue as to what is going through this idiot’s head (the mom); it’s obvious that she’s eaten a few too many retard sandwiches, but hopefully the kid will be able to bill Britney for the inevitable therapy that will be in her future.

Next: Natalie Cole (remember her?) is mad that Amy Winehouse got a few Grammy awards.

Natalie Cole: Sour Grapes?

So apparently, Nat was miffed that Amy picked up five Grammy Awards; here’s what she had to say:”I don’t think she should have won. I think it sends a bad message to our young people who are trying to get into this business, the ones who are trying to do it right and really trying to keep themselves together,” said Cole, 58. “We have to stop rewarding bad behavior.”

Of Winehouse, 24, who is currently in rehab in England, Cole says: “I’m sorry. I think the girl is talented, gifted, but it’s not right for her to be able to have her cake and eat it too. She needs to get herself together.”

– source

On one hand, I can see her point; on the other hand, the Grammy awards are not based on your personal choices, no matter how good or bad they may be. I think Natalie was just trying to grab some of the limelight; she hasn’t had a hit since what, the 1920’s? It’s okay Natalie – go and sing “Unforgettable” in the mirror to yourself again and you’ll be feeling better in no time.

Next: Mariah Carey has got yet another crappy album out.

Mariah Carey Needs to Stop Already

Here’s the album cover:

The full name of this sure to be masterpiece is going to be (get this): E=MC².Touch My Body. I’m pretty sure she has no idea what “E=MC²” even MEANS; somebody probably told her it means “happy unicorns and rainbows” and she was all like “All RIGHT!”. – source

What else is going on today: