Saturday Morning gossip, blueberry muffin optional

Hola, Snarky Gossiparinos! What are you plans for this exciting Saturday…I’ll tell you MINE: work, clean the house, and go for a walk. Try to contain the excitement that you are surely feeling at this revelatory news, please.

ANYway, let’s get to the goss, of which there ain’t much since it’s a Saturday and celebs (unlike me) apparently have a wee little bit of a life on the weekend. Huh. First, Kirstie Alley has “distanced” herself from Jenny Craig weight loss systems.

Kirstie Alley is no longer BFFs with Jenny Craig

So of course you remember Kirstie shilling for Jenny Craig, right? And she lost like 70 pounds? Well, Jenny’s got a new girl in town so Kirstie is getting kicked to the curb:

“Although Kirstie will not appear in future advertising endeavors for us, she does remain on Jenny Craig’s maintenance program and is confident that our program has helped her incorporate positive lifestyle changes that should last a lifetime,” Scott Parker, vice-president of marketing for Jenny Craig.

– source

I’m pretty sure that’s just PR speak for “we got tired of her crazy Thetan ass“. Either way, I’m just thankful I don’t have to see her flipping around her big hanks of hair on the telly anymore.

Next, Scarlett Johnasson talks about how the court of King Henry is so TOTALLY like, you know, Hollywood.

Please Stop Talking and Look Pretty, Scarlett

Okay, so ScarJo is doing some publicity stuff for her newest movie “The Other Boleyn Girl”, which I am dying to go see, and she decided to get all smart-like and compare Hollywood to the court of King Henry, because it’s all intense and intrigue-y and stuff. You know. Totally. The.Same. Well, except without all that awkward decapitation.

Next, Will Ferrell has a new movie coming out and of course it looks delightful.

If You Don’t Love Will Ferrell, You Must Be A Satanist

Here’s the trailer for “Semi-Pro”. It most likely will have the same jokes as all his other movies, but I oddly enough don’t give a rat’s ass.

Next, we get to hear about Paula Abdul peeing. Just for a second, so don’t get too squicked out. Yet, anyway.

Crazed Fan Takes a Picture of Paula Draining the Lilly

Okay, so get this: some astonishingly bad-mannered fan actually climbed over a bathroom stall and TOOK A PICTURE OF PAULA ABDUL ON THE TOILET. So Paula had to gently tell her in her own way that this was not cool:

“Constructive criticism is about finding something good and positive to soften the blow to the real critique of what really went on. Keep the faith, don’t lose your perseverance and always trust your gut instinct. Your talent is your art. It is not to be taken for granted.”

And as usual, no one knew what she was talking about. I’m sure those pics will be on the Interwebs VERY soon.

Last, but not least on this fine morning, it’s time for Sexy Time With Coco, a new feature here at Snarky that will both disgust and fascinate you. Here we go.

Sexy Time With Coco

Brace yourselves:

on what Ice-T likes her to wear during sex:
“He loves heels — it’s gotta be some freak heels. I wear them in bed all the time. I actually keep a pair of shoes next to the bed, just in case I don’t have them on and we start gettin’ busy…I can throw them on. When I get a new pair of shoes I’m gonna have them right next to the bed, because that’s the first place I’m gonna wear them.”
on her favorite position:
“I love doggy style. But he gets to see more of it, so I like mirrors. We have a wall of mirrors facing the bed. He’s always got a better view; so sometimes he’ll take pictures for me, so I can see it from his view. We get aroused by that stuff.”
on her oral sex skills:
“I think it’s an art. I have my way of using my hands, my head, my hair — my whole body. I’m actually making a performance out of it; I like performing. So if he’s doing it to me I can’t really give a performance like if I’m doing it to him.”
on her ass being fake:
“My butt of course is a hundred percent au naturel. We’ll do tests; [Ice] will let women touch my butt, feel it, grab it, whatever they want to do, to prove that there’s nothing in there.”
on her favorite music to get freaky to:
“Yeah, Keith Sweat has a really nice beat.”
on sex in unusual places:
“We’ll do it in club bathrooms, and there’s usually bodyguards around — we’re doing a lot of appearances at clubs, so ya know. ”
on her pet names for Ice-T:
“I call him Baby Poo. He calls me, “Bitch, get over here.”

– source

And you can take…whatever that was….to the bank. Just be sure to get plenty of antiseptic wipes and Clorox.

I’m about to go scrub the shower (party up in this hizzouse, don’t you know), so I’ll leave you with this educational video:

Yeahhhh..I don’t know what was going on there either. See you later, my lovelies!