I’ll have a Snarky Gossip with an extra shot, and can I get that with extra whip?

February 21, 2008 by Wendy Boswell

Guess what I had in my head this morning?

I GUARANTEE that once you watch that video, it will be IMPOSSIBLE for you to have a bad day. For reals, yalls. Let’s get to the goss!

First, how cute are the Brad and Angelina family? Maybe I should put myself up for adoption, because I would personally love to hang out with Angie in bulky ski clothes, drink some hot chocolate, make fun of Brad’s facial hair, and then we would watch reruns of “Who’s the Boss?” and wonder how Angela got her hair so big.

Brad and Angelina on a Snow Holiday

I love snow, don’t you? And don’t they look like they’re having too much fun?

I love how Brad is trying to film everything, that’s just too cute. – via jjb

Next! Jame Lynn Spears would apparently like us to believe that she’s not pregnant, giant worldwide declaration to the contrary.

Further proof that Jamie Lynn Spears is not the sharpest tack in the bucket

So she’s 16 and knocked up, right? Well, Jamie Lynn apparently did not realize that once you are pregnant, your body morphs and changes into something decidedly different than a slim and toned little 16 year old body, so she’s been wrapping her tumtum with Ace bandages in order to keep it flat and is not real happy about how her boobies are getting all kaBLAMMO! I’m really trying to drum up some sympathy here, but I just can’t stop laughing long enough. Sucks to be you, Zoey 101! Wait till you figure out how that baby is GOING TO COME OUT!!

Next, the other Spears sister is having her share of issues. As usual.

How long has it been since Britney Spears has seen her kids?

To tell you the truth, I’ve kind of been ignoring the whole Britney Spears custody kids thing lately because it’s so stupid; but here’s the latest. She hasn’t seen her kids in about six weeks (!), and the court denied her visitation again yesterday. Kevin is open to having her have some visitation rights.

Honestly? She doesn’t give a rat’s ass about those kids. If she did, she wouldn’t be seen all over the place flashing her hoo-ha, making an ass of herself. I hate to say it but those kids are probably better off without her influence in their lives. She needs to get to the Crazy House, and quick! – source

Next: Gene Simmons has a sex tape. I know, ewww, right?

Please Brace Yourselves for a Gene Simmons Sex Tape

Of all the people to have a leaked sex tape, I think I can count Gene Simmons on the bottom of my list of ones I’d like to see. But nevertheless, it’s out there:

KISS frontman Gene Simmons has two children with his longtime companion, Playboy model Shannon Tweed. But if a new video on genessecret.com is to be believed, Tweed isn’t the only woman sharing Simmons’ bed. The site shows video of Simmons having sex with a blond woman called “Elsa,” identified as an Austrian model. The video is likely to provide ample fodder for Simmons’ and Tweed’s reality series, “Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels.” Simmons posted a message on his Web site Feb. 20: “You may have heard or seen garbage that has sprung up from my past. Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all ramifications and options.”

– source

If you really feel the need to watch this thing, you can: Gene Simmons Sex Tape. Be advised that it’s not for the squeamish.

Ergh…..let’s clear the palate, shall we? Next: the actual video of Johnny Knoxville tearing his penis to shreds. Good times.

Good Bye, Mr. Snake!

I know that his show is called “Jackass”, but I’m thinking maybe it needs an extra subheading, like “Please Understand That I Had To Have A Lobotomy In Order To Do All This Sh*t To Myself And Still Think It Was Amusing.”

What else is going on today: