Saturday gossip please, thank you

Spiderman would like you all to know that yes, he is carrying some extra weight and yes, he’s not up to snuff, and yes, HE IS AWARE that his physique is not what it used to be.

However, that does not stop him from reading his daily dose of gossip from Auntie Snarkypants. Let’s get straight to it, shall we?

First, if you didn’t know, this Sunday is the Oscars, and there is a LOT of preparation going on to make it all special and stuff.

Oscars This Sunday! Fweee!

I have to admit, I don’t watch the Oscars, mostly because I just usually have something else I’m doing. I mean, come on – who has time to sit for three hours straight watching people pat themselves on the back? However, I do enjoy the clothes and the pageantry and the plain old giddiness of it all. How about you? Here’s some of what’s going on to get everything ready:

Celebrity attendees were invited to fill green gift bags full of such gratis goodies as jewelry from Alyse Ziede and Heather Hyde, bottles of Icelandic Glacial H20, desserts from Nothing Bundt Cakes and watches from Curtis and Co.

There were even some goodies for pampered celebrity pooches and kitties, including accessories and clothes from John Paul Pet, Happy Go Lucky Dogs and K9 Duds.

Non-Oscar-nominated reality TV stars such as Tia Carrere (“Dancing with the Stars”), Joanie “Chyna” Laurer (“The Surreal Life”), Jason Whaler (“The Hills”) and Beth Stolarczyk (“Real World/Road Rules Challenge”) also showed up for some free stuff.

– source

Hold up – Chyna is at the Oscar freebie stuff? Why, exactly, would she be there? I’m confused. Do these people realize that this stuff is not for anybody who just wanders in? How cheap and tacky of them, seriously.

Next, Charlie Sheen’s fiance is speaking out about Denise Richards.

Denise Muller is the New Supermom, Apparently

Remember that I told you that Denise Richards is going to put her babies in a frigging reality show, and that she actually had to go to court in order to win this insane decision, because Charlie opposed it (as any sane person would)?

Well, now Brooke Muller (who by the way looks uncannily alike to Denise there), is speaking out on how bad of an idea she and Charlie think this is. I think it’s cute how she’s speaking for Charlie Sheen, like they’re going to be together for more than six months. Very cute. And yet, very pitiful and awkward. – source

Next: Britney Spears’ cousin Ali Sims is in more than her usual state of denial.

She’s Just Having a Hard Time, Yall!

Okay, so you probably know that Ali Sims is Britney Spears’ cousin, and she’s also her on again, off again, assistant. When asked about Britney’s year long dance with insanity, this is what she had to say:

“Everybody just keeps supporting her and rooting for her because everybody kind of goes through weird little patches in their life.”

– source

Exsqueeze me? “Weird little patches?” Oh, lordy. Somebody is really trying to hold on to their cash cow, I think.

Next and last, because there’s nothing going on – I bring you the Worst Music Video EVER. Behold:

Honestly, I kinda liked it, so that tells you something about me. Until tomorrow, friends!!