Christian Bale will NOT be charged with assault

You’re busted, sucka! Or not.

Authorities are now saying that Christian Bale, otherwise known as Hottie McHottHott, will not be charged with assault of his mom and sis due to insufficient evidence; also because he told his mom and sister that he would give them SUCH A BEATING if they pursued charges.

Ha ha, not really. Anyway, it sounds like they all worked it out within the family, but can you imagine how awkward family dinners are going to be from now on?

“Please pass the turkey.”

“Or what? WHAT?!?! Are you going to hit me again? ARE YOU? Oh God! OH GODD!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!”

See what I mean? That’s what the Bale family has to look forward to from now on. Dyfunction!