Jessica Simpson at the Grand Ole Opry

Dear Jessica Simpson:

We get it. You really want to be a singer, despite all overwhelming evidence that you make small children cry every time you decide to “sing”. And this newest thing you’re doing? The country music thing? Listen, honey, people who listen to country music may be hicks, but they ain’t STUPID HICKS. With ear damage. And a lack of all discernible taste. You might want to keep that in mind.

Love, All of Us

P.S. What in the WORLD did you do to be able to sing at the Grand Ole Opry? Minnie Pearl is spinning in her grave.

Ow. OWWWWW.