Happy Birthday, Jessica Simpson! I want to break up with you.

I don’t think that Jessica Simpson had this in mind for her birthday surprise, do you? Boyfriend Tony Romo broke up with Yodelin’ Yolanda the night before her 29th birthday; apparently they had been having problems for a while, one of which was HE WAS DATING JESSICA SIMPSON. Any girlfriend who tells you that for her birthday, she would like a Barbie and Ken party? You’re going to have issues. Many of them.

Officially the word is that they just got too busy with their careers and “decided to part ways”. Uh, is that PR speak for Tony couldn’t take the Jessica Simpson unique brand of dumbassery? Perhaps he just got tired of her singing, I mean, shoot – we’re all right there with him.

So who should Jessica date next? It’s really hard to say, mostly because I can’t think of anyone who would willingly take on that much punishment. But there’s gotta be someone out there who’s up for a little self-torture, I’m sure.

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