I am not sure if Alec Baldwin is serious about this, or is just playing an elaborate joke on all of us peons, but SWEET BUTTERED MOSES, he wants to run for Congress? Really, Alec? Really? Here’s what he had to say:

“How much longer will Chuck Schumer stay as senator? After 2013 Bloomberg will be gone. What happens then? Do I run for Congress on Long Island? What’s Tim Bishop going to do? He represents my district. People get sick, die. They’re offered lucrative deals and want to cash in and make money for their retirement. People misstep,” he said. “Unfortunately, an opportunity for me may mean bad things for someone else. I don’t wish that.”

Soooo….basically, what I’m hearing here is somebody is offering him a dumptruck full of money to run for Congress after somebody kicks the bucket. Of course, he would be able to grace us with stuff like this ad for genital herpes:

Or this exploration of Cabin Boy:

Or shoot, even this NPR special about Schweddy Balls:

Actually, now that I think about it, I am TOTALLY voting for Alec Baldwin.

I’d like to be able to tell you that I don’t get all gooey and twitterpated when I see Brad Pitt looking this fine, but it wouldn’t be the truth. And one thing Auntie Snarky is about, is the truth (well, let’s not go nuts). Don’t these pictures of Brad Pitt at the Inglorious Basterds premiere make you want to roll him around in Canola, dip him in a hot tub, and let what happens happen? Yeah.

Okay, so SNL needs to hire Justin Timberlake as a fulltime cast member already. He is HILARIOUS! Heck, he’s funnier than most of the actual cast 95% of the time! So this Saturday, he starred in a couple of extremely funny skits, including this one where he admitted that he DID sleep with Britney Spears; I know, like we didn’t already know that, right? Here’s the clip:

And here’s the hilariously funny “MotherLover” in honor of Mother’s Day:

Yikes! David Hasselhoff has been rushed to the hospital for MAJOR alcohol poisoning - his blood level was a whopping .39, and the official drunk level in California is .08. His daughter Hayley found him on the floor, unconscious, and couldn’t revive him - she had to slap him to keep him a little bit awake so he wouldn’t die. She called her mom who lives ten minutes away and they took him to the hospital, where is he now. This is the seventh time (!!!!!!) he’s been in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. He needs to get help quickly, or he’s going to literally drink himself to death! I feel badly for his daughter being the one to find him. Here’s what a blood alcohol of .39 looks like:

Blood Alcohol Level:

BAL .35 %: This blood alcohol level also happens to be the level of surgical anesthesia. You may stop breathing at this point. In February 1996, a second student, age 20, died of alcohol poisoning with a BAL of .34% after drinking six beers and twelve shots in two hours.

BAL .40 % You are probably in a coma. The nerve centers controlling your heartbeat and respiration are slowing down, s-I-o-w-i-n-g d-o-w-n, s-I-o-w-i-n-g d-o-w-n. it’s a miracle if you’re not dead.

Happy Monday morning, Snarkarinos! Did you catch Saturday Night Live this weekend with Zac Efron hosting? Here are a few highlights.

First, Vice President Joe Biden welcomes President Obama home from his trip abroad:

Jon Bovi (Weekend Update):

Zac Efron’s opening monologue:

High School Musical 4:

Gilly’s Science Fair:

A bar where all the patrons seem strangely young:

What did you think of this episode? I haven’t thought much of Zac Efron, but I thought he was surprisingly good on SNL; maybe he should do more comedy.

One of the most under-appreciated actors of all time, Liev Schreiber, is filming a spy movie called “Salt” with one of my favorite actresses, Angelina Jolie. The two of them filmed some scenes in midtown Manhattan this week, Liev taking some time to cuddle with his older son Alexander by partner Naomi Watts.

Also, I would like to know how Angie gets that skinny after having those kids. Seriously. I suppose it has something to do with not eating 15 cocktail weeners for dinner, but let’s just stay on the subject, shall we?

image Bauer Griffin

Okay, so if you don’t know about Twitter, it’s basically a way to talk to yourself (and whoever wants to follow you) in 140 characters or less. I’ve been on Twitter (this is me) since it began and I have a love/hate relationship with it. Mostly, I think it’s kind of a giant waste of time, but it really depends on how you use it.

ANYWAY, moving on, good sweet baby Jebus. There are real live celebrities on Twitter, sharing the mundane of their lives with us because they want to connect to the little people. Isn’t that great? I knew you would like that. Here are a few of the celebs that like to tweet:

Brent Spiner , yep, Data. I always had a bit of a weird little robot crush on him, which is something I’m not proud of but there it is.

Kevin Pollak, who I just saw the other day in “A Few Good Men”.

Justine Bateman looking like she just got done with a strenuous regimen of being dragged face first through a gully full of gravel. Also, she looks like she might hurt me if provoked.

Rainn Wilson, who we all know and love as Dwight Schrute on “The Office”.

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Julia Roberts is one of my favorite actresses of all time. I’ve watched everything she’s ever been in…..”Pretty Woman”, “Closer”, even the godawful “Hook” where she played Tinkerbell (that one was kind of embarrassing to watch, honestly).

In her new movie with Clive Owen called “Duplicity”, Julia plays one of a pair of corporate spies who share a steamy past hook up to pull off the ultimate con job on their respective bosses. Yes, Julia and Clive are teamed up again; apparently their steamy on-screen chemistry in “Closer” caught somebody’s eye. Here’s the trailer for “Duplicity”:

Looks good, huh? And just because I love you:

Hello. My name is Clive Owen. Would you like a massage?

Uh huh. YUM! Okay, well, anyway, Julia Roberts is being featured in this month’s Allure, a magazine that I’ve stolen at least twice from my dentist’s office. In the interview, she talks about her kids and being married to Danny Moder. I liked this quote best:

The key to beauty is always to be looking at someone who loves you, really. One of my favorite things about my children right now, even Henry, who can’t say all the words…sometimes he’ll see me and go, “Ma-ma!” and throw himself on me. Or Finn says he likes my earrings. Or Hazel will say, “You look pretty, Mama,” first thing in the morning. And I realize, that’s all my husband. They’re seeing the things that he does and the way that he shares his feelings with me, and the way that I share my feelings with him. The coolest thing you can do for your children is to love each other in their presence.

Nice. And also, apparently George Clooney and Brad Pitt pranked her but good on the set of “Ocean’s 11″, slathering her door with shaving cream and then shoving two huge potted plants in front so she couldn’t get out. Those two boys!

While we’re on the subject of Julia, let’s watch a compilation of scenes from one of my favorite movies with her:

LOVE it! How about you, what’s your favorite Julia Roberts movie?

image courtesy Bauer-Griffin

The movie looks crap, but the actors are cute anyway. Here’s Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long at the Sydney premiere of “He’s Just Not That Into You”.

image: Bauer - Griffin

Polo, you know the game where you ride around on horses and whack stuff with a giant croquet mallet? Usually you just see snotty royal offspring playing this game, but today, you get to see veteran actor Tommy Lee Jones!

image: Bauer-Griffin