Okay, so this is like the cutest piece of gossip I’ve heard in a long time, and I can totally picture this happening - adorable! Miss Shiloh Jolie-Pitt turned three this week, and for her birthday party, Brad and Angelina did a very low-key party with balloons, a trampoline, and imaginary cookies baked by the birthday girl in her girly kitchen. The highlight of the party was daddy Brad letting his daughter paint his toenails - no word on what color, but I’m guessing pink with sparkles. I’m glad that this family is attempting as much normalcy as possible with their kiddos, and not having these ginormous parties with jugglers and elephants and whatnot, it’s a nice change!

Finally putting an end to the rumors and speculation that yes, she IS pregnant, Jennifer Hudson celebrated the news with her friends and family with a quiet baby shower. Her fiance is David Otunga , who is apparently pursuing a wrestling career after a reality TV stint.

No word on what the sex is yet; and the baby shower had a lot of yellow, so I’m guessing that Jennifer and David are hoping to be surprised. I’m glad that Jennifer has this going in her life after all the tragedy she has gone through this year. She alluded to that tragedy in an interview with Essence magazine, saying this:

“The thing that keeps me going is knowing that God is in control,” she says. “It’s like, if he placed me here, then I must be prepared.”

She also mentioned that she slept in her mother’s bed until she was 15, which is both a little creepy and endearing at the same time. Regardless, here’s hoping she’s happy!

Well, this was fast! Just married in February, quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen are officially pregnant. Tom is obviously SUPER fertile, since he has a son already with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan. Gisele has been in the news already lately for saying that she feels that Bridget’s son is “100% hers”, maybe now that she’s pregnant she’ll stop being such a predatory manhunting pseudo-baby mamma?

Yep, it’s true - Sarah Jessica Parker and husband Matthew Broderick are expecting twins, not naturally, but with a surrogate mother. The twins are expected this summer. Sooo, I guess it’s time to reset the Parker-Broderick Divorce Countdown Timer? Because babies ALWAYS make relationships so much better!!!!

Ay yi yi, I walk away from the Internets for FIVE MINUTES and all heckfire has broken loose. Can’t a girl wallow in the sunshine eating bonbons like a CIVILIZED person? Sheesh!

Anywhodles, Snarkarinos, we all know that Madonna was denied adoption this week of a new kid to add to her growing arsenal of walking, talking accessories. Too bad they don’t come stamped with the labels Gucci, Prada, or Chanel, right? Madge actually was stopped in her tracks by the Malawaian gubmint, mostly because she doesn’t satisfy the residency requirement, but also because she’s gone back to her raging skanky ways and they are THINKING OF THE CHILDREN!!!

So the poor Kabbalah nutball had to fly herself home via a private plane yesterday, but she does plan to appeal the judge’s ruling. Except, well, uh, guess who showed up all of a sudden? Daddy! Yes, mysteriously he’s decided to come forward once he heard a “famous pop star” was thinking about adopting his meal ticket abandoned baby girl!

One person at least had something nice to say about the Material Girl - her ex-husbandGuy Ritchie:

“I fully supported Madonna in her decision to apply for this adoption, and I am saddened that her application has been rejected. She is motivated only by being a caring parent who seeks to share some of the advantages and opportunities that her life has given her.”

If you listen very closely, you can almost hear him laughing. Creepy!

Yes, well, that’s enough Madge Vadge news for the day, I think. Here’s SNL’s skit from Saturday night pairing Angelina Jolie against Madonna for the Ultimate Baby Smackdown - watch:

Let’s all just sit down and admit to ourselves that we want to be adopted by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. There’s no shame in that. Nobody’s going to judge you. Just get it out, it’ll feel good. Ahhhhh…..relief.

Now that we’ve got that monkey at least temporarily off our collective backs, guess what? The First Couple of Hollywood is reportedly going to adopt another baby, and surprisingly enough IT’S NOT ME. I guess Santa and Jesus must have misheard me or something? Anyway, Angie met one of the child stars of “Slumdog Millionaire” at the Oscars and confided in her that they were going to adopt another tax deduction from India. Pretty soon they’re going to have their own little United Nations, they could invade other countries and air-drop care packages. I’d sign up, how about you? Shoot, I’d be on that so fast, so would you, don’t lie. Baby Jesus cries when you lie about Papa Brad and Mama Angie. Remember, this is a safe place - you can crush on those two and their bajillion kids all you want without judgement. Well, there’ll be a LITTLE judgement - nobody’s perfect!

ROWR! I am Madonna, the Adopter! Feel my wrath! ROWR!

See what happens when you’re all hepped up on caffeine and cold meds, kids? It’s quite pitiful, isn’t it. Anyway, officials in a Malawian adoption agency have confirmed that Madge’s vadge has showed up with a truckload of money, I mean, she’s filed papers to grab herself another baby. But there’s trouble a’brewin in River City because Madge is 50, divorced, a bit promiscuous, and already has three kids that she doesn’t pay attention to. But all that is easily conquered by the already mentioned truckloads of money, right? Of course!

Ruh roh, Shaggy! Looks like the Madonna Love Shack might be finally feeling the recession!

Yep, it’s true - Madge’s Vadge is a troublemaker, folks, because though she wants to adopt another child from Malawi, her public flings with a married man and some guy named Jesus are making adoption officials think twice:

“The news she is linked to another woman’s husband and a young man less than half her age makes us question her morals.”

The agency did go on to say that the adoption will PROBABLY still go through, because hello? She’s MADONNA, for Pete’s sake - she could make out with a giraffe and film herself braiding her armpit hair in a vat of chocolate pudding and she’d still get a kid. Meanwhile, thousands of couples who’ve been waiting in line for a baby are turned away, right? Maybe they should take a page from Madge’s playbook and just start rocking the freaking casbah!

Now this is kind of a cute piece of news. Apparently Katie Holmes invited Angelina Jolie over for tea and cupcakes - the girls, that is - Suri, Shiloh, and Zahara.

I think this could be super cute, don’t you? I love tea parties, except for the fact that I don’t really like tea. I do enjoy all the little pastries and sandwiches, etc. that go with a tea party, and the gossip, and that it’s all girls, so you can talk about girly things like cramps and pimples and how long your labor was and how that epidural JUST WASN’T WORKING.

But I think that a tea party with these ladies might be more interesting, don’t you think? The husband/live-in partner conversation fodder alone would be memorable. I mean, come on….how tempted would you be to ask Angie about Brad, and Katie about Tom? I’d love to be a fly on that wall. And yet, I wonder, really, what they are going to talk about. Katie’s film career hasn’t been that memorable (to say the least) and Angelina’s is basically on fiyah. FIYAH. Oh, well - Katie will always have this:

Gwen Stefani took kiddos Kingston and Zuma to London this week, here’s a few pictures of the happy family: