The ongoing saga between mom Candy Spelling and daughter Tori Spelling just keeps going. The latest? Even though Tori invited Candy to her daughter Stella’s first birthday party, Candy bailed at the last minute and decided not to come. Why? Well, because the birthday party was reportedly being filmed for Tori and Dean’s reality show, “Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood”.

But here’s the thing. Different sources are saying that Candy knew ahead of time that the party would be filmed, and that she was reassured, repeatedly, that she would not be on camera whatsoever. So who knows, really…the drama between these two is hard to watch and I wish they would just solve their differences. Life is too short. Plus, my Spidey sense tells me that Miss Tori is the one causing all these issues; like she is going to use this in the show of her kid’s birthday party, crying her eyes out about how her awful mommy has ruined her life, boo hoo hoo. Whatever! If I was Candy, I’d have moved heaven and earth to see my grandkids, even if I had to smack Tori around a bit. Shoot, it could even improve her looks, who knows?

Singer Usher had a scary moment this weekend! His wife Tameka had some complications after surgery in Brazil (why in the world was she having surgery in Brazil?) and Usher had to be at her side, cancelling out on a Grammy night performance. The two have two little boys together under two years old, so they’ve definitely got their hands full. Here’s what the family spokesperson had to say:

Foster “is in stable condition after suffering complications from routine surgery in Brazil. Her husband Usher is with her at the hospital.”

- source

Scary, to be sure. Again, why was she having surgery in Brazil?

Image details: 50th Annual Grammy Awards - Show served by picapp.com

I’m sorry. I don’t care for Cher’s music, but I dare you, no, I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to not love her in “Moonstruck”. Seriously, one of the best date movies ever. Trust me when I say that if you watch this with your sweetie, you are going to get lucky.

Anyway, Cher got herself assaulted at some nightclub by a drooling fanboy. Well, fan MAN, I should say. Apparently, Cher was in the little VIP roped off section and the goober reached over and grabbed her waist. He got kicked out, but somehow made it back in and started bugging her again. Of course the police were called and now he’s facing assault charges.

Personally, I wouldn’t be so quick to get on Cher’s bad side. She looks like she could visit some bad mamba jamba upon anyone who got in her way. Seriously, check it out:

On a side note, how many buckets of bleach did they have to take to that flightdeck after Cher was sliding her naked booty all over the place? That’s why our national defense budget is so high, people. Call Matt Drudge! I’ve found the answer!

I’d say that this person got what they deserved. Apparently, an idiot worker at the hospital where Farrah Fawcett was getting treated for cancer actually leaked her medical records to the public - even before she had shared the news with her family. Amazing, right? I would be very tempted to, I don’t know, KICK THIS PERSON’S ASS.

Oh. My. God.

Any theories, other than she got some badass Botox?

If you’ve taken a good, long look at Priscilla Presley’s face lately, you’ll certainly have noticed that there’s something a little…..off. Like maybe you had your contact lens in funny, or maybe you got a big speck of wood in your eye, or SOMETHING; because that would really honestly be the ONLY way you could see Priscilla Presley and think she looked okay. Just between you and me….girl is scary looking. And it’s not getting any better since she let herself get suckered into putting Jiffy Lube into her face.

Yep, I said Jiffy Lube, as in car lubricant, as in REALLY BAD FOR YOUR FACE. Turns out that Prissy was a patient of Dr. Daniel Serrano, a fake beauty salesmen who liked to go around injecting d-list celebs with his own special brand of WHAT. THE. FRACK.

Apparently, Priscilla got so much of this crap injected into her face that now she’s having to undergo special reconstructive work to undo the effects of whatever that shiznit was. Next time just stick with Botox, honeychild - I mean, it IS poison, but at least you can’t use it to tune up your Beemer. Can you?

Katie Price is kind of a cosmetic surgery addict, but you’d never know that to look at her.

>>sound of crickets chirping<<

Ahem. Anyway, in the most recent issue of OK!, one of my favorite trashtastic mags, Jordan opens up about the doctors opening her up:

Jordan has finally confessed she’s had a nose job.

The glamour model had the rhinoplasty op when she went to California for a breast reduction over Christmas.

She looked so different when she returned from LA, paparazzi at Heathrow airport hardly recognised her.

‘It’s no big secret,’ Jordan laughs.

‘I’ve always had a thing about it. It’s not something I needed doing but I said to the doctor: “If you could change anything about me, what would you change?”

‘I was stood there in my knickers and bra. He could have given me liposuction, anything, and he said he would do my nose.’

And the mum-of-3 couldn’t be happy with her new look.

‘I’m pleased with my nose,’ she tells OK!

‘Before it was more animal looking - wider like a cat - but I don’t regret having it done. It’s cute now - it’s a cute fake ski-jump!’

But despite the touch up, Jordan, 29, insists she didn’t have lip fillers, cheek implants, a chemical peel or a face lift as reports have suggested.

The only extra surprise is her teeth – she forked out £25,000 for new veneers that were fitted just days before she flew home.

-source

Let’s see - if I could get any kind of cosmetic surgery I wanted, I would have something chemically implanted in me that causes me to stop craving pastry. Kind of like a Clockwork Orange deal, except without all the unpleasant eye stuff.

I am really, REALLY hoping that’s a tattoo. Anyway, HI Snarky Gossip fans! How the hell are you. Hopefully your weekend was full of happiness, unicorns, puppy dogs, and rainbows.

So there’s something up my cat’s butt. I’m thinking it’s a corncob of some type, because honestly? She is a stone cold biyatch. We took her to the vest today and it turns out she has some pretty awesome allergies, but hello? EVERYONE has allergies and it doesn’t turn them into raging wankers. She doesn’t know this yet but she’s getting a big old steroid shot today and hopefully that will calm her little fussy ass down a tad…if it doesn’t, I’m thinking of putting her in the microwave for a few minutes. JUST KIDDING. Maybe.

Anyway, on to the goss, of which there is a fair amount today. First, John Travolta has been officially kicked off the movie adaptation of “Dallas”:

Insiders tell Page Six that Travolta, who was just nominated for a Golden Globe for donning a fat suit for his drag role in “Hairspray,” was “let go about two weeks ago. He had the role of J.R. Ewing taken from him and given to Ben Stiller.”

- source Ben Stiller, seriously? Are you kidding me? This movie is just getting worse by the second. I love Ben Stiller, but as JR Ewing I think he’s wildly miscast.

Speaking of wild, Michael Jackson was spotted at a Las Vegas bookstore this weekend wearing what looks to be about a half-dozen yellow Post-It notes on his face. Maybe he just needed to remind himself of a few things? Like, remember when he used to NOT be such a freakazoid? His kids just must be completely used to this by now - he probably plays games with them like “Find Daddy’s Nose” or “Pick Up Pieces of Daddy’s Face”. Good times.

Hey kids! It’s time for the daily Seriously, What the F*%* Britney Spears? moment! And Lawsie mercy if we don’t have quite a few fun little tidbits for you today. First, her ex-husband Kevin Federline wants the court to punish her for faking sickness last week in order to get out of her deposition:

Running out of patience with Britney Spears, Kevin Federline’s attorney on Friday said he plans to seek consequences. Mark Vincent Kaplan, who represents Spears’ ex-husband in their child custody case, said Friday that he would ask for sanctions against the pop star for calling in sick to her court-ordered deposition.

Spears didn’t show up to testify at Kaplan’s office Wednesday as scheduled, and Kaplan said later that her lawyers told him she wasn’t feeling well. Spears was photographed later that day driving with a friend.

- source Sanctions could be anything from a hefty fine to actual community service, which I would dearly love to see her doing. Oh, but that’s not all - here’s a video of her getting kicked out of the Four Seasons for smoking:

Don’t you love how the paps are sucking up to her? And why do you think the prestitigious Four Seasons denies her access? Hmmm, I wonder why…Well, let’s move on. Marcia Cross is probably really pissed off at her husband right now. Apparently she was showering outdoors and he decided to take some naked pictures. No problem, right? Well, dumbass decided to throw them into the garbage, where they were picked up by our friendly sanitation friends and put on the Internets. I’m not going to show you the naked pictures on THIS site, but you can certainly go look at them here if you want to: Marcia Cross Nude Pictures.

Oh, and guess what? Pam Anderson is filing for divorce from her husband of only 72 DAYS:

On Dec. 14, Anderson filed a claim for dissolution of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences.

Anderson, 40, and Salomon, 39, a longtime pal, tied the knot on Oct. 6 at the Mirage Hotel Las Vegas. It was the third marriage for both.

The Baywatch babe was previously married to Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. Salomon, who is best known as Paris Hilton’s partner in the infamous sex tape, “One Night in Paris,” was once married to actress Shannen Doherty of Beverly Hills 90210 fame.

- source

Seriously, what is the point of her getting married? Why does she even bother? She’s ridiculous. Her kids are going to be so screwed up…maybe next time (because there WILL be a next time) she’ll try DATING someone before getting hitched. It’s an idea, anyway.

Hmm, let’s see….

• Amy Winehouse has a three martini breakfast
• The writers’ strike just keeps dragging on
• Celine Dion is all done in Vegas
• RIP Dan Fogelberg

Until tomorrow, I leave you with this cute video of Home Simpson taking a picture of himself every day for 39 years. Enjoy!

I think that it might be a good idea for Alyssa Milano to lay off the Botox, don’t you?

via Awful Plastic Surgery

I’ve got a nice little Friday Freakness for y’all. Don’t click if you really would NOT like to taste that breakfast of yours again.

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