For pete’s sake. Anyone who buys this book from Lynne Spears expecting to get some good parenting tips is going to be in for QUITE the surprise. Here are some more snippets:

On Britney’s breakdowns and marriages
Lynne Spears recalls feeling “shock and dismay” at seeing her daughter shave her head, at her brief marriages to childhood friend Jason Alexander and dancer-rapper Kevin Federline, and her highly publicized custody battles over her two children. She also recalls feeling she had been “punched in the stomach” when she learned that Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant at age 16.

On Britney’s mothering skills and failed relationships
She praises Federline as a “caring daddy” and says Britney Spears is “an amazing mother,” but only when at her best. Lynne Spears also writes warmly of her daughter’s former boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, but says the willful nature of the young couple helped break them up.

On Britney’s very public breakdowns
The bottom came in the past two years with Britney Spears’ increasingly disturbing public behavior and her drugged private life in her Malibu, Calif., house. Lynne Spears writes that she was distraught as then-manager Sam Lutfi told her he was grinding pills and putting them in Britney’s food, hoping to induce a coma that would enable doctors to cure her of all addictions. Britney Spears was hospitalized twice this year, the second time in February, when paramedics took her to the psychiatric ward of the UCLA Medical Center, where her mother says she finally received the care she needed. - source

Ugh. I think it’s utterly disgusting how she’s painting herself to be this great mother. Although Britney certainly did put her through the wringer (and I bet you anything we’re not done yet).

For some reason known only to….leprechauns? bananas? twisty ties? SOMEBODY gave Lynne Spears, mother of not one but two trainwrecks, money to write a parenting book. Here are a few scrunchy tidbits that you should like, totally take to heart because SHE’S SO WISE. Or something.

Drugs and Sex and Alcohol!
TROUBLED BRITNEY SPEARS began boozing aged 13, lost her virginity at 14, then started taking drugs at 15, according to a shocking tell-all book by her mum.
Wild child Britney allegedly first hit the bottle after joining Disney’s squeaky-clean Mickey Mouse Club.
Mum LYNNE claims 14-year-old Britney then had sex with an 18-year-old high school footballer soon after she quit the TV show.
And she had her first taste of drugs at 15 when she went to Los Angeles to record her debut album Baby One More Time.
More Sex!
Lynne, 53, tells how she regrets handing over control of Britney’s career to managers and allowing her daughter to be promoted as a sex object in raunchy videos at such a young age.
Passing the Buck!
She believes Britney’s wild behaviour as a teenage star is the root of her current problems.
More sex!
As Britney later pursued her pop career, Lynne let her 16-year-old daughter sleep with teen sweetheart JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, despite claiming she was a virgin.
A source said: “Lynne thought Britney was in love and Justin was good for her.”
More drugs!
Lynne’s book reportedly tells of her horror when Britney, still just 16, was caught with cocaine and cannabis on a private jet.

Yeah, GREAT parenting there, Lynne. Super duper. You just keep telling yourself that whoring out your daughter was a good thing, and everything will be jussssst peachy.

- source

Tori Spelling, a woman not known for her tact, stated today that she wants her ex-husband to read her new book so he will understand what went wrong between them.

Um, well, here’s the short version, Ex-Spelling Husband: Your wife decided to sleep with another man, while you were still in the picture. Ta da! Just saved you $25.

Anyway, here’s Tori’s statement:

Spelling, who is now married to Dean McDermott, divorced actor Charlie Shanian in 2006 but claims they never got the chance to talk through the split.
So she now thinks the best thing Shanian can do would be to read her new book “Tori Telling” if he wants an explanation as to why their union finished.
She says, “We never really had closure, so maybe it would help him understand better where I was coming from. I never went into deep explanations about why the relationship didn’t work. You don’t want to read that in a book, but that’s the way it goes.”

Honeychile, I really, seriously doubt that Charlie is sitting around crying into his beer over how you dumped him for Mr. Klassy, who, by the way, is probably just serving his time until something richer and prettier comes along. You just keep “writing” your “books” though - whatever helps you sleep at night!

Good morning, Snarkarinos! Hope you all had a good night’s sleep and are ready to be all peppy and shit. Me, I went on a 3 mile walk this morning and I am FEELING IT. Hopefully it will cancel out the six Girl Scout Samoas I had last night while watching the Oscars.

Anyway, on to the goss! First, obviously the Oscars were last night. Here are some of my favoritest dresses.

Next: Jimmy Kimmel’s response to Sarah Silverman’s “I’m Fu**king Matt Damon.”

I’m Fu**king Ben Affleck!

TONS Of celebrity cameos in this one, including Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Robin Williams, and lots more!

Too funny. Josh Groban saying the F bomb?!?!?

Next: Jennifer Garner gets attacked on the red carpet.

Watch out, Jennifer Garner! It’s Gary Busey!

So how much crap did Gary Busey take before showing up at the Oscars in order to act like such an asshat? Here’s what happened: Ryan Seacrest was trying to talk to Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney when Gary Busey lumbered over and started manhandling everyone. Watch:

I’m wondering why Ryan Seacrest didn’t do more to get this obviously drunk or stoned guy off of these poor ladies, personally.

Next: Angelina Jolie is officially pregnant.

Angelina Jolie shows off her pregnant belly

Seriously, how cute is she? Rumor has it that she is pregnant with twins; I think she’s only three or four months along, so seeing how big her tummy is already that’s definitely a possibility. I say good for them - as long as they are keeping their relationship happy, and they’re both fine with this many kids, I don’t have any problem whatsoever with it. - source

Let’s see what else is going on today:

• Beyonce might be helping out Barack Obama
• Britney Spears had an evening out with Jamie Spears
• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban at the Oscars
• Cate Blanchett is looking huge
• Jon Stewart’s Angelina joke at the Oscars

That’s it for this morning, my lovelies - until this afternoon, I leave you with this:

“Don’t talk back to Darth Vader, he’ll get ya!” OMG, too cute, I WANT A NEW BABY. Ahem. Talk to you later!