Seems that Three’s Company for Joyce DeWitt includes her car, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and herself! The 70’s sitcom star was pulled over for drunken driving in Southern California; she apparently was “driving erratically” and failed a field sobriety test, went to jail and got out like 15 minutes later.

Now here’s the thing: as a really klutzy person myself, I probably wouldn’t pass a field sobriety test, to be quite honest. Seriously, I fall over just standing in the middle of the kitchen, people. So if a police officer asked me to walk a line while holding my arms out to the side and chanting the alphabet, it would be ALL over. I would be sitting in jail so fast….it would be quite sad and pathetic, actually.

Image: Newscom

Ay yi yi! Actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers was arrested at a French airport after being publicly drunk and fighting an airport employee. Here’s how it went down: Meyers was at a bar, and he was visibly drunk, so the bartender refused to serve him any more. Meyers didn’t like this, so started yelling at the bar manager. When another employee tried to intervene, Meyers started swinging!

French police handcuffed Mr. Drinky and put him in a lockdown for a few hours to cool off. He’s going to have to appear before the Correctional Tribunal in Bobigny in September to answer charges concerning, “voluntary violence, contempt, issuing death threats and assault,” so yeah, he’s in big trouble. I guess maybe next time he should ignore Jim Beam and Johnny Walker when they tell him to get all nutso on someone!

So at this point, I think we can all agree that Lindsay Lohan is pretty much washed up. She has no career, nothing on the burner, no love life, really, absolutely nothing going on. But she DOES have time to go to clubs and curl up in a fetal position on the floor, muttering. Uh huh! Good times!

According to an article in the Mirror, Lindsay showed up at the Cuckoo nightclub (ah, sweet irony) and basically spent the night muttering “I feel caged”, curling up in a ball on the floor, and furiously texting her ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson. Oh, and she also had plenty of vodka…you know, just in case she didn’t have enough of the crazies happening.

Oh, that Paula Abdul, she so crazy! And obviously addled from all the druggy-poos, because she’s now saying that she’s never been stoned on the Happy Pills or drunk from Jesus Juice. Listen to what she had to say:

“I’ve never been addicted to any prescription drugs. I’ve never been drunk. I’ve worked my whole life,” Abdul told “Nightline” in an exclusive interview. Despite undergoing 15 surgeries since a neck injury in 1992, Abdul said she has never taken addictive painkillers.

Last week ABC News followed up on Abdul’s offer to “check her medical records,” asking for her permission to speak to one of her doctors. She declined.

LOL! Yeah, I BET she declined! Yeah, I’ve never been drunk either, you guys…and monkeys just flew out of my butt. AS IF!

So, she just says random crazy things on American Idol because she’s batshit crazy, not because she’s addicted to some fantastic cocktail of Willy Wonka pills? Personally, I would rather be known as Crazy Paula rather than Drug-Addled Paula. Because seriously, Paula? Honeychile? Have you WATCHED yourself?

Just say no, Paula! You can do it!

So we all know by now that Snoop Dogg is a major pothead, right? He’s in love with the ganja, and so far it’s really worked out for him: he’s a millionaire, he’s been busted multiple times for various fun little felonies, and he’s a millionaire. Did I mention he’s a millionaire? Anyway, Snoop decided to bust out the pipe on his live show the other day, here’s the video:

I don’t know, but maybe, JUST maybe, it’s not such a good idea to smoke the weed live in front of a bajilion people, when it’s illegal and all. But I guess that millionaires are above the law?

In a concert this week for part of Britney Spears’ “Circus” tour in Vancouver, some of those naughty Canadians were smoking WEED. The Mary Jane! The Marijuana! The WACKY TOBACKKY!

Yes, it’s true, and apparently these happy potheads were generating so much smoke that Miss Thang actually walked off the stage and said a few choice words. She came back a HALF HOUR later, performed a couple of songs, and left again flipping everyone off. Yeah, I think maybe should could have benefited from a few tokes on the Mellow Yellow, know what I’m saying? Nobody likes an angry pop princess!

So this makes, what, the 5th time that George Michael has been arrested for drugs in a public bathroom or otherwise public place now? He’s pathetic - the authorities need to stop letting him off so easy and get his addicted Wham! ass to rehab!! Here’s the details:

Reports say the multi-millionaire singer was arrested after a tip-off from a suspicious toilet attendant after he was seen loitering in underground loos in London’s Hampstead Heath on Friday.
When officers arrived Michael was still in the toilet and police reportedly found him in possession of cannabis and crack cocaine.

- source

Sheesh. Let’s remember our George in happier days:

Here’s an older (only like a year ago!) video of Ashlee Simpson drunk off her booty at a McDonald’s. You’d have to get me drunk to eat at McDonald’s, so I’m feeling her pain.

While conducting a routine search in accordance with son Redmond’s probationary terms, police found a BONANZA of drugs at the Ryan O’Neal home, including meth. Meth! A couple of tweakers! Who knew? Well, nothing bonds a family more than doing drugs together.

Anyway, they were both released after ponying up bail money and will probably be charged with felony possession of drugs. Good times, baby. What does Farrah think of this?

“Drugs. Again. Doesn’t he know that drugs are bad? I know that because my toaster told me so. My toaster is WISE, so wise. I love my toaster. Mmmm. Toast. I could use some toast right now. I like toast. Toast is my friend.

What were we talking about?”

Here’s pics of Amy Winehouse from last night’s romp through a series of bars. Looking good, Amy. Looking REAL GOOD.

Anyone want to take bets on how long she’s going to last?