In a Daily Mail article, Madonna wants us all to know that she was and is Michael Jackson’s biggest fan, and none of us should EVER forget that. In fact, she’s planning on doing a big lip synch of his songs at at London’s O2 arena on Saturday night, because you know how great it is for people to spend like $200 (or more) for concert tickets to hear their favorite artist and show up to not only hear her lip syncing, but lip syncing someone else’s music. Yeah.

Seriously, he was a great pop star, but people are acting like it’s the second coming of Jebus. Let’s not forget that he was seriously nuts, and not the fun nuts, either - mentally unstable to the point he was turning his skin a different color, dangled his kids over a balcony (well, not HIS kids, but someone’s kids), was accused multiple times of touching small boys inappropriately until he paid them off, and the list goes on and on. I mean, I like me some “Thriller” and “Billie Jean” as much as the next girl but let’s put this in perspective, kids.
Image: Newscom

Michael Jackson’s memorial service has been set for Tuesday at the Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles, which, hello? Only seats 20k people, and since they’re giving away free tickets, I’m guessing 10 times that number will show up. AT LEAST. Plus, I think there may be a holiday weekend coming up….let’s see…..yes, Fourth of July, so that gives the planners like what, one business day to plan an event that is going to be the biggest draw since the Beatles? Good thinking there, whoever planned that.

Here’s how I think Wacko Jacko would’ve planned his memorial. First, let’s get in the mood:

Ahhh. Okay, first, MJ probably would’ve wanted nobody but kids at the funeral. Well, and maybe some magical unicorns, if they could be rounded up in time. Ooh! And puppies, LOTS of puppies.

Next, he would have made everyone at the funeral sing “Kum Ba Yah” and hold hands around a giant campfire. You know, to combine their energies or essences or whatnot.

Last (if that wasn’t enough), Michael would have liked everyone to dress up as their favorite Disney character and walk around just giving each other high five’s. This would be followed close behind by a few dozen rounds of Jesus Juice, because hey! THAT’S HIS DRINK, YALL. You know it, I know it, and now we’ve just got to send this to the service planners and let the magic happen. Aww, yeah!

Image: INF

With all the hoopla around Michael Jackson’s shocking death this week, one of the things that has actually gotten to this hardened gossip hound was Lisa Marie Presley’s blog post about their married life together, and how she tried to save him. Here’s an excerpt:

On dying like Elvis, Lisa’s dad

At some point he paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm certainty, “I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did.”

On their married life

Our relationship was not “a sham” as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a “Normal life” found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.

On Michael’s addictions and trying to help him

He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated.
When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad.

Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson’s being or actions.

I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him.

On the similarities between MJ’s and Elvis’s death

As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion at what was my biggest failure to date, watching on the news almost play by play The exact Scenario I saw happen on August 16th, 1977 happening again right now with Michael (A sight I never wanted to see again) just as he predicted, I am truly, truly gutted.

This honestly was probably the most she’s ever spoken about her marriage to Michael; there was always SO MUCH speculation, rumors, etc., and even though I find it very hard to believe that they had anything approaching a normal relationnship, it’s interesting to hear how she did try to help him.

HOWEVER, come on, we can’t hear about the CrazyTown stuff? Seriously, I want some dirt! Did he really have a skeleton of the Elephant Man? Did he really sleep in a hyperbaric chamber? What was up with him grabbing his goodies in all his videos? And so on. Come on, you know you want to know - don’t deny it!

Image: Newscom

Well, this probably doesn’t come as a shock to anyone, but guess what? Debbie Rowe, the first wife of Micheal Jackson, is not the biological mother of MJ’s kids. In fact, she was just the “vessel”, as she did not have sexual relations with Wacko Jacko but instead was artificially inseminated.

Debbie and Michael met while she worked at his dermatologist’s office, and married soon after, even though they barely knew each other. Here’s what Debbie had to say about their married life:

“Michael was divorced, lonely and wanted children. I was the one who said to him, ‘I will have your babies’.

“I offered him my womb - it was a gift. It was something I did to keep him happy.”

Usually, when people want to make someone happy, they, I don’t know, send them flowers, take him to a movie, etc. Debbie sure went the extra mile, didn’t she? LOL! She did get paid for her “services” at least, but she doesn’t have a relationship with the kids and doesn’t want or expect to see them again - which is sad. Who are these kids going to go to, anyway?

Debbie and Michael didn’t have a normal relationship, well, shoot, really? I don’t think MJ had a normal relationship with anyone - the guy was super talented, but he was So. Messed.Up. Debbie was just a front for him to have a couple kids, his whim of the moment. Remember, the guy could buy anything! Here’s what Debbie had to say about the kids:

“I was never a good mother, I never felt any attachment to them. It was a better feeling giving them to him than it was keeping them as my own.

“I know I will never see them again. I was never cut out to be a mother - I was no good. I don’t want these children in my life. My children are my animals now.”

UGH. This whole thing is just so incredibly sad and pathetic, really.

Ding dong, the King of Pop is dead. Michael Jackson died yesterday of an apparent drug overdose, possibly Demerol. Here’s the scoop from CNN:

An autopsy is scheduled on Friday to determine what killed Michael Jackson. Paramedics took Jackson, 50, from his Los Angeles home to UCLA Medical Center, where a team of physicians worked for more than an hour to try to resuscitate him, his brother Jermaine Jackson said. He said the famed singer was pronounced dead at 2:26 p.m.

He was just getting ready to go to rehearsal for his big 50-city tour, in fact, had just given a quote about it in the Mirror.co.uk:

“Thank you all. This is it. I just want to say these will be my final shows, performances in London . This will be it. When I say this is it, I really mean this is it”

Well, he was right about the “this really was it” part, man, he must have really not wanted to go on tour, huh? A reporter spoke to Jackson’s lawyer outside of the home and this is what he had to say:

“He told me it was something he had expected for some time now. He said he had warned the family, Michael himself and everybody surrounding Michael about his use of medication and his concerns about what may happen.”

I think we’re all aware of Michael’s legacy of music, his innovations, etc., but his later years were overshadowed by not one, but TWO trials for touching the kinder. MJ’s whole life was about “children”, and living a life dedicated to nurturing that his inner child; unfortunately, he went a tad bit overboard into CrazyTown.

Regardless, here’s a nice tribute to Wacko Jacko:

This is so sad! Mia Farrow’s brother, Patrick, was found dead in a Vermont art gallery, where he’s been sculpting for over 30 years. His wife and him had run the gallery, which sold mixed media art and jewelry stuff for about that long of time. Police say that his death “looks suspicious”, and they aren’t releasing any information until they know for sure. For another huge kick in the teeth to the family, his nephew was killed in Iraq last year - so obviously, they have a LOT to deal with.

Mia Farrow is best known (unfortunately) for the scandalous end to her long-term relationship with director Woody Allen, which happened because he was having a little “fling” with her adopted daughter, then 21, whom he later married (doesn’t make it any less gross, does it). She’s an excellent actress, her best roles have been “Rosemary’s Baby” and “Crimes and Misdemeanors”. I still love Woody Allen’s films, even with all that mess. Mia has been in the news lately for her hunger strike against the genocide in Darfur, a worthy cause if there ever was one.

ANYWAY, I’ll keep you posted when the police release more information. Send good thoughts and vibes to the family!

One of my favorite actors was sadly found dead by suicide today in a Bangkok hotel. David Carradine, known for his roles in “Kung Fu” and “Kill Bill“, apparently hung himself with a curtain rope - the people he was with just thought he was taking a rest because of his age (72). He was there in Thailand to shoot a movie, and the maid of the hotel he was staying at found him. SAD!!! Here’s one of my favorite David Carradine clips:

Bea Arthur, the sharp tongued comedian who had a LONG career in show biz, died this weekend at the ripe old age of 86. She was best known for her role as Dorothy Zbornak in mah favorite reason to watch Lifetime “The Golden Girls”, which I’m hopefully getting a box set of for my birthday. Don’t judge, you know you want one too. Anyway, here’s a great clip of Bea doing her Dorothy thing:

Celebrated author Michael Crichton died unexpectedly today after a short battle with cancer. He was the author of such books as Jurassic Park, Andromeda Strain, and The Great Train Robbery, as well as the creator of ER.

David Letterman did a great job of remembering great actor Paul Newman on his show this week; here’s the video:

Among other things, Letterman said “Here is a guy who took care of people… This guy ought to be a saint.”