Chris Brown is getting his comeuppance for his horrible assault against ex-girlfriend Rihanna. The singer was scheduled to perform at the BET Awards at which many singers gave tribute to Michael Jackson. Why didn’t he show up? Because rapper Jay Z pulled some serious rank and blacklisted him from coming, that’s why! YES!!!!!

Page Six also has Jay threatening to actually pull out of the show himself if Chris showed up - and obviously, Jay Z is a MUCH bigger pull than Brown. I hope that everyone reading this realizes how utterly AWESOME that Jay Z did this; first of all, having Chris Brown show up on the heels of his assault trial at a tribute for MJ would be tres tacky. Secondly, his career should be in the TOILET after what he did to that poor girl. No one should have to suffer that kind of abuse. WELL DONE, JAY Z!!!!

Image: Newscom

Ay yi yi! Actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers was arrested at a French airport after being publicly drunk and fighting an airport employee. Here’s how it went down: Meyers was at a bar, and he was visibly drunk, so the bartender refused to serve him any more. Meyers didn’t like this, so started yelling at the bar manager. When another employee tried to intervene, Meyers started swinging!

French police handcuffed Mr. Drinky and put him in a lockdown for a few hours to cool off. He’s going to have to appear before the Correctional Tribunal in Bobigny in September to answer charges concerning, “voluntary violence, contempt, issuing death threats and assault,” so yeah, he’s in big trouble. I guess maybe next time he should ignore Jim Beam and Johnny Walker when they tell him to get all nutso on someone!

It’s a slow, slow gossip day today, so let’s watch race car drivers Danica Patrick and Milka Duno get into a tussle:

Not sure what they were fighting about, but it’s interesting nonetheless.

Oh, man! This is just sad, yall. Apparently, Heath’s dad Kim sucks at handling stuff like this; in fact, he so mismanaged his father’s estate that he was removed as executor. Heath’s uncles really, really, really don’t want Kim to be the executor, but since Heath left everything to his parents and sisters, they don’t really have a say in the matter. Yet.

This kind of thing just SUCKS, especially when there are young children involved (Matilda). I hope they get it straightened out soon.

Good morning, Snarkarinos! Hope you all had a good night’s sleep and are ready to be all peppy and shit. Me, I went on a 3 mile walk this morning and I am FEELING IT. Hopefully it will cancel out the six Girl Scout Samoas I had last night while watching the Oscars.

Anyway, on to the goss! First, obviously the Oscars were last night. Here are some of my favoritest dresses.

Next: Jimmy Kimmel’s response to Sarah Silverman’s “I’m Fu**king Matt Damon.”

I’m Fu**king Ben Affleck!

TONS Of celebrity cameos in this one, including Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Robin Williams, and lots more!

Too funny. Josh Groban saying the F bomb?!?!?

Next: Jennifer Garner gets attacked on the red carpet.

Watch out, Jennifer Garner! It’s Gary Busey!

So how much crap did Gary Busey take before showing up at the Oscars in order to act like such an asshat? Here’s what happened: Ryan Seacrest was trying to talk to Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney when Gary Busey lumbered over and started manhandling everyone. Watch:

I’m wondering why Ryan Seacrest didn’t do more to get this obviously drunk or stoned guy off of these poor ladies, personally.

Next: Angelina Jolie is officially pregnant.

Angelina Jolie shows off her pregnant belly

Seriously, how cute is she? Rumor has it that she is pregnant with twins; I think she’s only three or four months along, so seeing how big her tummy is already that’s definitely a possibility. I say good for them - as long as they are keeping their relationship happy, and they’re both fine with this many kids, I don’t have any problem whatsoever with it. - source

Let’s see what else is going on today:

• Beyonce might be helping out Barack Obama
• Britney Spears had an evening out with Jamie Spears
• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban at the Oscars
• Cate Blanchett is looking huge
• Jon Stewart’s Angelina joke at the Oscars

That’s it for this morning, my lovelies - until this afternoon, I leave you with this:

“Don’t talk back to Darth Vader, he’ll get ya!” OMG, too cute, I WANT A NEW BABY. Ahem. Talk to you later!

If you listen to one Coldplay song, you’ve pretty much heard ‘em all. Not to say I don’t like the band, but maybe we could try introducing more then just three freaking chords on the guitar, my friends? Maybe? And perhaps we could also try getting over all the teenage high school angst that you’re still apparently trying to work through? Okthxbai.

Ahem. Here’s Coldplay’s Chris Martin throwing the beat down on a hapless pap; well, he’s either beating him up or dry humping him, and since he’s married to Gwyneth Paltrow I’m kind of leaning towards that latter option.

So apparently Bjork’s crazy spills over from her music to real life, yalls!

Jeffrey, a news photographer of 25 years, said Bjork was accompanied by a man who asked him not take photos.

“I took a couple of pictures… and as I turned and walked away she came up behind me, grabbed the back of my black skivvy and tore it,” he said after the alleged incident.

“As she did this she fell over, she fell to the ground,” he said.

“At no stage did I touch her or speak with her.”

Bjork said nothing during the incident, but her male companion was saying, “B, don’t do this, B, don’t do this,” Jeffrey said.

- source

So let me ask you this: are there ANY celebrities that DON’T act like complete asshats? Is there some kind of training school that they are all required to go through that teaches them all to be anti-social morons? Because it seems like there has to be. Somebody needs to find out.

I am really sad to see him go; I thought he was doing a great job and seriously this whole thing is a total witch hunt.

It’s a sunny afternoon in Los Angeles, and Isaiah Washington is on the set of the independent film “The Least of These.’’ Washington plays a priest in the movie, and he’s dressed in full-on black on black with a sliver of white at his collar. He greets his guests with a gentle smile and an extended hand. Sitting in his small trailer filled with the scent of myrrh incense, he seems at peace—until he starts talking. Washington can’t stop himself from doing what he’s been doing a lot lately: explaining away a situation that has already cost him a beloved job and could ultimately cost him much more.

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I think these two are the epitome of class. I mean, just look at them. They should probably fly to Buckingham Palace and help the royals get some more etiquette or something.

Anyway, here’s the scoop:

“Dog was sitting in the first-class section with his family, and the plane was getting pushed back from the gate. A flight attendant asked Dog to buckle his seatbelt, but he was asleep.” According to the source, Chapman’s wife “went ballistic”, causing the captain to turn the plane around and remove the Chapman family from the aircraft, where they were met by six police officers.

Dog was reportedly embarrassed by the incident, “apologising to everyone involved” after the family was escorted off the plane.

Maybe she has a thing about seatbelts, you know? I go crazy if I see a sock puppet - I have the same reaction. It’s natural.

source

You might remember last week when I wrote about Alec Baldwin attacking his daughter Ireland viciously on a voicemail message (how could you forget!!!). Anyway, here is more information that kind of fleshes out this whole ugly sad situation:

A gleaming cavalcade of blacked-out people carriers pulls up presidential-style at the gates of a smart private school in a moneyed Los Angeles suburb and disgorges a contingent of shades-wearing security men.

Then, when these bodyguards - some of whom carry small, handheld video cameras - are in position, the door of one vehicle opens and a child, pole-thin and deathly pale, emerges into the California sunshine.

She disappears inside, accompanied by her ever-present minders.

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