If you’ve been a Snarkarino for any length of time longer than, oh, five minutes, you know that I have a mad girlcrush on Angelina Jolie. One day, we will meet, and we will spend the day doing stuff like:

• Watching my collection of SATC DVD’s.
• Making nachos.
• Shopping for natty baby clothes on the interwebs.
• Brushing each other’s hair.
• Playing Guitar Hero 3. I am seriously addicted to that game; I even beat Lou the Devil the other day. Do I rock? You know I do.

Anyway, my BFF Angelina has a new movie coming out and it seems to poop out a new trailer like every week, here’s the latest:

So, any gun experts out there that can tell me this: is it possible to really curve a bullet like that? Or is it just super duper Angelina magic stuff?

Image details: Cannes 2008: ‘Changeling’ - Premiere served by picapp.com

For reals, yall. If Angelina Jolie ever wants to adopt me, I would be there in like ONE SECOND. I want her as my Mommy.

Ang decided to show up in Vanity Fair and this is what she had to say about pregnancy, kids, life, love, etc.:

Angelina Jolie on being pregnant:
“I love it. It makes me feel like a woman. It makes me feel that all the things about my body are suddenly there for a reason. It makes you feel round and supple, and to have a little life inside you is amazing. Also, I’m fortunate. I think some women have a different experience depend-ing on their partner. I think that affects it. I happen to be with somebody who finds pregnancy very sexy. So that makes me feel very sexy.”

For more about Angelina Jolie and how she’s planning on adopting me, Read more

This movie looks pretty dang good, but it looks pretty dang sad, too. Here’s what The Changeling is about: A mother’s prayer for her kidnapped son to return home is answered, though it doesn’t take long for her to suspect the boy who comes back is not hers. Um, hello? Tissue please? Maybe some hankies? Good grief.

Anyway, here’s Angelina and Clint Eastwood looking all gussied up and pretty and pregnant (not Clint, but Angelina).

Image details: Cannes 2008: ‘Changeling’ - Photocall served by picapp.com

More loveliness after the jump: Read more

Angelina Jolie confirms that she is having baby girls!

Eww! Well, we all have to start somewhere, and this apparently is where the loverly Angelina Jolie began: a cheesy music video for some smarmy Italian pop singer. It’s kind of embarrassing to watch, quite frankly.

Image details: The United Nations Association Annual Dinner served by picapp.com

Rumors are flyin’ that soon to be mother of six (and my secret bestest friend) Angelina Jolie has a tape floating around that shows her shooting up heroin. This would be from a million years ago, in her wilder days, before Gia got her famous. I mean, GOSH. Wouldn’t it be shocking that we knew Angelina Jolie used to take drugs? Because you know, it’s not like she hasn’t told us this like, oh, I don’t know, A MILLION TIMES. It would be like John Stamos admitting he used to be Uncle Jesse on Full House, you know, a huge shocker. Anyway, here’s what the video supposedly has her saying:

“Wow, this is really good smack - not that cheap crap that’s been stepped on.” - source

Allllllrighty then! Well, until the actual Angelina Jolie heroin tape comes into play, let’s just watch the naughty parts from Gia, shall we? Mmm hmm.

Getting a late start today, sorry about that Snarkarionos…..I had a FIELD TRIP and now I’m exhausted. If you have kids you know what I’m talking about, right? Oh, yeah.

Anyway, the lovely and mucha pregnant Angelina Jolie went to Washington DC yesterday to honor her friend Mariane Pearl, wife of slain journalist Daniel Pearl. Here are the photos of the event:

Image details: Angelina Jolie Discusses "Iraq, Education, And Children Of Conflict" served by picapp.com

More Angelina Jolie after the jump! Read more

LOL! Here’s a cute little video of Angelina Jolie vamping like crazy for the camera when she was 16. I think she was posing for a swimsuit shot or something? Even when she was 16, she was so exotically beautiful, don’t you think? Of course, the rest of us who made silly videos of ourselves when WE were 16 would die if those saw the light of day. My version of this was in front of a blue Snoopy sheet nailed over a window; my girlfriends and I took turns posing in our footie jammies. Sexxxxxyyyyy.

Here’s the video:

Contrary to a TON of rumors swirling around this weekend, Brad Pitt and Angelina did NOT get married. All the big tabloids - Star, Enquirer, etc. - reported that they had “sources” that confirmed the two had gotten hitched, but of course, we know that’s not true. Besides, they both have famously said that they won’t even consider getting married until everyone in this country can get married to the person they love. So there you have it! No wedding bells for Brangelina, which means Brad is still free for me. Oh, he knows it’s inevitable. One day he’s going to realize that our love is just too strong for him to withstand.

Weirdness! Okay, so Angelina Jolie is related to Hilary Clinton:

Hillary Rodham Clinton and Angelina Jolie are ninth cousins, twice removed, both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718.

and Brad Pitt is related to Barack Obama:

Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769.

Now that would be a fun family reunion, wouldn’t it? Except I think Hilary would be kind of pissy. She seems like the sort who would bring up really awkward topics at the holiday family gatherings…stuff like “so how long have you been beating your wife?” or “how do you have gay sex?”. Stuff like that.