The National Enquirer is reporting that fallen teen dream Jamie Lynn Spears has got another bun in the oven, just three months after having her first!!

Sources say that that she thought that breastfeeding would keep her from getting pregnant, and obviously that did not work - see, Jamie, it’s deciding to STOP HAVING SEX FOR FIVE MINUTES that actually keeps you from getting pregnant. Apparently she took a pregnancy test and when it came back positive she cried her eyes out and Mama Lynne is hopping mad.

So who’s the daddy? Most likely Casey Aldridge, who personally I think he should be banned from being within 50 yards of this girl, because obviously his swimmers are super potent. This is one hot mess!

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Clay Aiken the morning after the coming out - A Socialite’s Life

Brad and Angie moving to Germany? - Perez Hilton

Nick Hogan getting out of jail early - Dlisted

Lynne Spears whining about Bristol Palin - Mollygood

Parker Posey looks awful - Go Fug Yourself

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Steve’s kids are following in his footsteps - Perez Hilton

Mischa Barton stealing Nicole Richie’s man? - dlisted

Lynne Spears is nuts - Mollygood

R.Kelly dating chicks his own age? Scandalous! - TMZ

For pete’s sake. Anyone who buys this book from Lynne Spears expecting to get some good parenting tips is going to be in for QUITE the surprise. Here are some more snippets:

On Britney’s breakdowns and marriages
Lynne Spears recalls feeling “shock and dismay” at seeing her daughter shave her head, at her brief marriages to childhood friend Jason Alexander and dancer-rapper Kevin Federline, and her highly publicized custody battles over her two children. She also recalls feeling she had been “punched in the stomach” when she learned that Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant at age 16.

On Britney’s mothering skills and failed relationships
She praises Federline as a “caring daddy” and says Britney Spears is “an amazing mother,” but only when at her best. Lynne Spears also writes warmly of her daughter’s former boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, but says the willful nature of the young couple helped break them up.

On Britney’s very public breakdowns
The bottom came in the past two years with Britney Spears’ increasingly disturbing public behavior and her drugged private life in her Malibu, Calif., house. Lynne Spears writes that she was distraught as then-manager Sam Lutfi told her he was grinding pills and putting them in Britney’s food, hoping to induce a coma that would enable doctors to cure her of all addictions. Britney Spears was hospitalized twice this year, the second time in February, when paramedics took her to the psychiatric ward of the UCLA Medical Center, where her mother says she finally received the care she needed. - source

Ugh. I think it’s utterly disgusting how she’s painting herself to be this great mother. Although Britney certainly did put her through the wringer (and I bet you anything we’re not done yet).

Newscom

Lynne Spears is my kind of delusional wackjob. She’s writing a parenting book about how hard it is to be a mother, but LOOK HOW SHE HAS TRIUMPHED. Really, look. LOOK. You can see, right? Hmmm.

Anyway, because of her daughters’ Britney and Jamie Lynn’s various screwups in the past few months (getting pregnant, getting stupid,etc.) this gripping mothering manual has been postponed until September. Lynne better hope that these two geniuses don’t do anything else to delay this book, although from their track record, I wouldn’t hold my breath. Here’s what Lynne’s rep had to say about her Pulitzer-worthy work:

“When Jamie Lynn got pregnant, it was put on hold,” a rep for publisher Thomas Nelson Inc. told People. “Lynne never stopped working on it because she wants to express her love for her children and tell their stories through a mother’s eyes.”
Based in Nashville, Tenn., Thomas Nelson Inc. also publishes Bibles, Christian fiction and nonfiction books and children’s books.
“[It] will not be a parenting book,” the rep added. “It’s [Lynne’s] story of what it was like being a mom and raising two very famous people. It’s a memoir.” - source

Oh, hell yes. I’m going to buy ten copies and use it as a stocking stuffer. It’s going to be that good.

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Recent quote:

“We are deeply concerned about our daughter’s safety and vulnerability and we believe her life is presently at risk,” the statement from James and Lynne Spears said. “We ask only that the court’s orders be enforced so that a tragedy may be averted.”

- source

Oh, honey! You so crazy! The tragedy started the day you started whoring your daughter out for your own purposes!

Unfortunately, I think this is probably the LEAST of her problems, don’t you?

A restraining order aimed at Britney Spears’ sometimes manager Sam Lutfi alleges that he took over her life and finances, drugged her and controlled the paparazzi who pursued her for months.

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I say good for her. Those paparazzi need to leave her alone; sure, she’s been a horrible mom and all, and her daughter is a wreck, but for pete’s sake leave her alone.

In the ongoing saaaaagggga of Britney Spears Mental Ward Redux 2008, her dad has now been named guardian of her estate. As expected, she’s not really that happy about that:

As conservator, her father will have the power to “restrict visitors,” have around-the-clock security for Spears and have access to all medical records, Goetz said. It was unclear whether the court gave her father the power to make medical decisions on Spears’ behalf; even if that was granted, the role can be limited.

Conservators can consult with doctors on medication options, but the patient can refuse. Only in emergencies can someone be forcefully treated. Otherwise, a court hearing must be scheduled to hammer out the issue.

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Of course, she is milking this (Britney’s hospitalization, Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy) for everything that she is worth:

“Britney’s on my mind day and night. She never leaves my thoughts.” Nor does Jamie Lynn, who’s 16 and nearly five months pregnant. “Jamie Lynn’s my baby,” Lynne confided. “I’m doing my best. I’m doing as well as can be expected.”
“I love Britney dearly,” Lynne tells Life & Style. “I want nothing more than to protect her and make everything all right for her.” Told that people still believe she’s a good mother, Lynne managed a smile and replied, “Thank you. That means a lot right now with everything that’s happening.”

- source
Really? There are actually people out there who believe she’s a good mother? Who are these people?