This video is being yanked down as fast as I can find it, so enjoy it while you can!!

Madonna would like us all to know how much she loves Guy, how perfect her kids are, and how jealous we should be of her perfect figure. Oh, and also? She sucks eggs. Listen:

“Sex with Guy is incredible … And surprise, surprise, it’s his favorite song on the album. Actually, maybe it’s not his favorite song, but it’s definitely his favorite line.”

“I often wake up in the middle of the night and remember that I’ve forgotten something, so I jump up and make notes.” Read more

Madonna is on the front page of Vanity Fair this month (you can see the fantastically photoshopped pictures here) and as always, gave her opinions on everything; including her belief that you can “will” the sex of your baby. Listen to this:

madonna: Do you have a daughter?
me: No, three sons.
[Madonna looks at me accusingly.]
me: I didn’t choose it–it just happened.
madonna: Do you believe that? You think things just happen?
me: I think that just happened.
madonna: Mm-hmm.
me: So who’s making the decision?
madonna: You are, you and your missus.
me: About what kind of kids we want?
madonna: You chose it. Your soul chose it.
me: No. Do you believe that? That my insides wanted boys?
madonna: Unconsciously. Yes.
me: I kind of like the idea, three sons–it’s like having a little army out in the woods.
madonna: And all the work they can do, and you can teach them carpentry and then build houses for you in Old Greenwich, or wherever you live. - source

I don’t know….Madonna is so non-relevant these days, I think it’s kind of sad that she keeps trying to push herself as a bubble gum pop star. That’s not to say that I don’t totally love her, because I do, but it’s like when you watch your auntie try to get jiggy with it at the family reunion. You just want to give her some potato salad and tell her to sit her silly ass down for pete’s sake.

Seems that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are having marital problems, according to rumors around the gossip world today. He never shows up to any of her special little events, and she’s just not as eager as she used to be about the whole monogamy thing. That last part I made up, but anyway - they just don’t really love each other anymore, blah blah blah, and we should be hearing more about this soon. Frankly I’m surprised that they lasted this long - I never could see what she saw in him.

Yesterday Madonna was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; here’s what she said:

Madonna recalled key moments of her career, from playing her demo tape for record company president Seymour Stein when he was in a hospital bed hooked up to an IV, to her shock at looking out from the stage at thousands of girls dressed like her. “It freaked me out,” she said.

She fondly remembered a teacher who encouraged her to follow her dreams when she was only 14, and said she’s lucky to have people around her that are still doing that.

Even the people who “said I was talentless, that I was chubby, that I couldn’t sing, that I was a one-hit wonder, they helped me, too,” she said. “They inspired me because they made me question myself repeatedly and pushed me to be better.”

Singer Justin Timberlake, who helped produce Madonna’s upcoming album, inducted her with an innuendo-laden speech.

“The world is full of Madonna wannabes. I might have even dated a couple,” said Britney Spears’ ex. “But there is truly only one Madonna.”

And of course, pics! Read more

Madonna recently spoke out on her adopted son David, among some other things:

With an album dropping in late April and a documentary about Malawi, I Am Because We Are, due to be released this year, the not-so-material-anymore girl sat down with Interview magazine’s Ingrid Sischy for her final issue, to talk Africa, albums, and freedom. Read on for excerpts!

On working with Justin Timberlake: “I really enjoy writing with Justin…We had psychoanalytic sessions whenever we wrote songs first. We’d sit down and we’d start talking about situations. And then we’d start talking about issues or problems or relationships with people. That was the only way, because you know, writing together with somebody is very intimate…that was fun, because he’s open and he’s got talent. He’s a songwriter. I haven’t worked with a lot of songwriters where I’m instantly connected and start riffing and playing with the rhythm of the words. He’s as interested in the rhythm of the words as the meaning of the words.”

On adopting her son David: “He wouldn’t have lived if I hadn’t taken him. It’s not even a possibility.”

On gaining perspective: “We live very comfortable lives, and unfortunately, we have to have our noses rubbed in other people’s pain and suffering to realize how much we have and how much we have to be grateful for.”

On bringing daughter Lourdes with her to Malawi: “She spent several weeks working in the orphanages, particularly one with newborn children, and most of them were HIV-positive. She so came into her own and was so responsible and stayed for eight hours every day and worked tirelessly. I thought, why am I babying her so much? She’s capable of so much more. We don’t let kids do anything. We think, Oh, they’re kids — they can’t take care of other kids; they can’t do this; they can’t do that. And after you go to Africa, you drop all that silliness.”

On freedom: “Freedom is a funny word because when we think we’re free, we’re not really. I think freedom is quite illusory….When I stop thinking about myself all the time and put other people before me on a regular basis, that’s real freedom. When I can love unconditionally…then that’s real freedom. So it’s something to strive for, but I’m not free.”

I like her more and more as she gets older; she just seems so balanced. Plus, I’m appreciative that she no longer has the Pointy Boob Bra. That thing disturbed me to no end.

Let’s play a guessing game. Ready? I’ll give you a clue. This aging star is trying desperately to hold on to her material girl status, but unfortunately, her virgin days are long over. Maybe she needs to stop vogueing and go on a holiday?

Seriously, you don’t know who it is yet? Okay, I’ll let you know after the jump. Read more