Just what every crazy Scientologist needs: a brand of pot named after them. Apparently, there’s a new strain of medical marijuana named “Tom Cruise Purple” that makes you see things that aren’t actually, uh, THERE. If it’s named for Tommy Boy, shouldn’t it make you jump up and down on couches, marry robotic Amazons, star in Nazi movies, and make long speeches about L.Ron Hubbard?

Now I just giggled at this one. Seems as if Dawn Wells, who played the iconic Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island, got caught with some pot in her car while driving home from a party! She’s on six months probation, and that’s about it, but her lawyer wants to make an ass of himself and said she was “just trying to find the heater” in her new car. The heater connected to her bong pipe, you mean? Oh, okay! You go, Mary Ann!

So apparently George Michael took a brief pause from getting caught with his pants down (literally) and wanted to let us all know that he’s really trying hard to quit smoking the wacky tobacky:

“I’m constantly trying to smoke less marijuana. I’d like to take less and to a degree it’s a problem,” Michael told BBC Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs program.

“Is it a problem in my life? Is it getting in the way of my life? I really don’t think,” added Michael. “I’m a happy man and I can afford my marijuana so that’s not a problem.”

It doesn’t get in the way of your life…..hmm. Have you seen your police record lately? Because you might want to rethink that statement.

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