After yesterday’s little tidbit that Sherri had multiple abortions and wants to lay hands on Barbara Walters, she is full on damage control, baby. Here’s Sherri on The View this morning, desperately trying to backpedal:

I guess the whole sharing thing might have gone a little too far, huh? Some things are actually better kept private.

served by picapp.com

Sherri Shepard, you know, one of the really annoying people on The View, recently shared a bit about her checkered past. Here’s what she had to say:

“Before I converted to Christianity, I was a Jehovah’s Witness. In 1993, my mother was dying from diabetic complications. My sister was heavy into drugs, and we would have to go and get her from crack houses. I was in a very physically abusive relationship. I was sleeping with a lot of guys and had more abortions than I would like to count. I had very low self-esteem and just wanted to die. I felt if someone killed me, it wouldn’t even make a difference. But God showed me that it would make a difference.”

Okay, I can respect that. But here’s where she loses me:

“Oh sometimes I say, ‘Lord, Juanita Bynum or Joyce Myers would be so good at this table. They could lay hands on Barbara Walters and get her saved. I ask the Lord, ‘Why am I here?’ I have to trust God when He says, ‘Because I said so.’” - source

Oh, you mean THIS Juanita Bynum? Huh. Anyway, I have a hard time when Christians check their brains at the door and justify their stupidity (see above) with the catchall “because God said so”. Apparently, God is in the habit of letting idiots blame them for all their mistakes.

It must be divine to be Elisabeth Hasselbeck on a daily basis. She gets to be on The View, she has an adoring footballer husband, and she has has NO earthly idea of how insanely annoying she is. I’m telling you, that’s bliss straight from Heaven.

Did you get the idea to blog from a certain former co-worker?
No. Every artist loves their own format. I certainly didn’t think this was mine.

Are you and Rosie talking?
We e-mail back and forth on a limited scale.

Does your son support Hillary?
That was a joke I made. Senator Clinton sent Taylor a personalized note after his birth, which was very nice. I jokingly said she has his vote.

Why did you take only six weeks of maternity leave?
I can’t leave that table too long. Are you kidding me? How would my side ever get told?

They told me you’re very busy.
I have a million errands. I have to get a workout in. I’m dreading it right now because I sat down, and once I sit down, the inertia sets in. Do you want to run an errand?

What can I do?
I need 1 percent milk. And can you get me some gluten-free cookies? The bad thing is when I’m at the grocery store, my eyes are bigger than my ability to carry it all home.

Thank you for not being mean.
It’s bizarre. People are, like, she must be witchy. I think it’s the liberal bias in the media that I’m the one who’s argumentative.

- Newsweek.com

Oh, honey, you’re not argumentative! You’re just dumber than a bucket of paint. Silly rabbit!

For reals, yall. Is it THAT DAMN HARD to find a woman in her 30’s who’s well-spoken, intelligent, and can actually talk like she hasn’t had multiple frontal lobotomies? Is someone double-dog-daring Sherri Shepherd to say all this incredibly moronic stuff in front of millions of people every day? I mean, seriously…how much is this cheeseball getting paid. I’ll do the job for 1/3 the money and believe me, I won’t be going around saying dumbass things like this newest bon mot:

Here’s what resident “The View” genius, Sherri Shepherd, said yesterday on the show, “There is a picture of me with Shirley Caesar, who is like the black Patti Labelle. Whoopi had to remind Sherri that Patti LaBelle is black.
Barbara Walters chimed in with, “It’s a good thing you’re not running for office. Because you’d be considered bigoted right now.”

No, Barbara Walters! Silly rabbit! She’s not bigoted, she’s just dumber than a can of paint!

Here’s a couple of Miss Sherri “FWEEE!” Shepherd’s past misdeeds. First, the infamous Flat Earth debacle:

And who could forget this heartwarming moment when Sherri decided to tweak with history a little bit. JUST a wee widdle bit.

GAH.

Okay, so I can’t really stand her personally, but you have to admit she pooped out a cute little kid. Here’s Elizabeth Hasselbeck and her new baby Taylor Thomas on The View.

Well, huzzah! Everyone’s favorite hatemonger/idiot will be making her way back to The View after popping out a new Republican!

Hasselbeck, 30, has been away since Oct. 23. She gave birth to son Taylor Thomas on Nov. 9, her second child with Arizona Cardinals quarterback Tim Hasselbeck.

The conservative co-host’s first day back at the table with Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar and Sherri Shepherd will be an hour-long “Hot Topics” episode, with a surprise guest, ABC reports.

“She’s never shy about expressing her view, so “Hot Topics” will be getting a whole lot hotter – especially with the upcoming presidential election,” says ABC. “Whoopi Goldberg and Sherri Shepard joined the show shortly before Elisabeth left, so there wasn’t much opportunity for all five co-hosts to interact. Now there will be a new dynamic at the “Hot Topics” table.

- source

Personally, I can’t wait to see what Whoopi Goldberg is going to do with her >>rubbing hands in anticipation<<. Should be good.

Sweet Buttered Moses on Toast. Okay. So seriously, WHY is this idiot on The View? Sherri Shepherd is probably one of the dizziest people on TV today, and that’s saying a lot. Here’s her newest gem: she talks about how her kid was throwing a major fit in some store and she didn’t want to discipline him because it was a “white people store”.

Is she trying to be the black Jessica Simpson: you know, ditzy as hell and trying to play it off as just an act?

Happy Wednesday, Snarky Gossip fans! I’ve got the Carpenters Christmas album going right now, my nutcracker collection on display, and we’re on full Christmas tree alert with every frigging ornament in the free world sitting in our living room. How about you?

You ever have one of those days where you would be quite content to just zone out in front of the TV, say watching every Drew Barrymore movie you own, eating an entire pan of brownies and polishing THAT off with some pecan praline ice cream? I’m having one of those days, but I’m fighting it, because A)I’m on a diet, and I’ve lost like 12 pounds so far and 2)I can’t really get away with it today, but if I could, I would TOTALLY be all over that. Ah, well - another day, perhaps.

ON TO THE GOSS! First, Keira Knightley, otherwise known as Boney McBoneystein, decided to get all nekkid and stuff for Interview magazine. Well, as naked as she’s gonna get, anyway. Here’s the pics:

If you can get past the huge clavicle staring at you in the face, this just might be one for the spank bank. - source
Next, Tina Fey shows us all once again (as if there were ever any doubt) why she is pretty much awesome:

Tina Fey has no kind words for “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul. She tells the January issue of Playboy that Abdul was a “disaster” when she appeared on “Saturday Night Live.’ How so?

“In the ways she generally appears to be,” Fey says. “It was an ‘American Idol’ sketch, and she wanted to change parts. So Amy Poehler had to play her.”

Fey goes on, “A year later I saw her on a flight. We both looked at each other like, ‘Do I know that girl?’ And then we both had the same moment of recognition, and she was like ‘uuuggh.’ I saw it register on her face that she had had a terrible time with us.”

Fey says Abdul’s appearance “was awful.”

“I was pregnant at the time and probably a little moody, but I remember thinking, ‘She’s a disaster! I gotta prop this lady up and get her on TV.’ ”

- source
Dear Tina Fey:
We love you and would like to have your babies.
Kisses, The Internet

Aww, yeah! Guess who’s back, babies? WHITNEY HOUSTON! Here she is singing “I Will Always Love You” in her first performance after all the drugs/Bobby/assorted wacky cracky in Malaysia:

She’s still got a ways to go, but I think there might be some light at the end of the tunnel, I really do.

Hey, boys and girls! Do you know what time it is? Yep - it’s time for the daily Seriously, What the F*%&, Britney Spears? moment!
Well, what has our favorite trainwreck gone and done THIS time?

Child welfare investigators are looking into “multiple child abuse and neglect” allegations in the custody battle between Britney Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline, according to court documents released Tuesday.

In a request to unseal parts of the case file, an attorney for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services wrote that there are concerns about the safety and welfare of the two toddlers, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, if they are left in their mother’s care.

Though the agency mentioned investigating referrals relating to Federline, the documents don’t provide details.

- source
Surely the authorities are overreacting, right? I mean, Britney is just such a good mother, yalls. Here’s a quick video so you can see what I’m talking about:

Hmmm. Maybe that wasn’t the right clip to pick. Speaking of morons, what the HELL is wrong with new View host Sherri Shepherd? Seriously, is she retarded? Check out this recent dialogue:
Sherri “I Don’t Know If The World Is Round” Shepherd is at it again! During a discussion on “The View” today about Epicurus and the Greeks, Sherri said that “nothing predates Jesus.” So what does B.C. mean then, Sherri? It went a little something like this:
Whoopi: “When he was around there was no stuff going on.”
Stupid Sherri: “They still had Christians back then. They had Christians because they threw them to the lions.”
Whoopi: “I think this might predate that.”
Sherri: “I don’t think anything predates Christians.”
Joy: “The Greeks were first. Then the Romans. Then the Christians.”
Sherri: “Jesus came first before them, so…”
Whoopi: “Not on paper.”
I’m hoping she’s just pretending to be this dizzy. Here’s the actual video clip:

Good Sweet Buttered Moses. Well, in happier news, it looks like Dennis Quaid’s little babies that were accidentally poisoned are just fine, so guess what time it is? It’s SUE THE PANTS OFF THE HOSPITAL time!

The couple’s newborn twins Zoe Grace and Thomas Boone were mistakenly given a massive overdose of the anti-coagulant drug last month. The Quaid’s attorney says the twins “were very critical for a while,” but appear to have recovered and “everything looks good.” They filed suit because they want to prevent this from happening to any other children, Loggans said.

The 10 unit vial Heparin looks almost exactly as the 10,000-units-per-milliliter vial of the drug.

Three children died in Indiana from a similar mix-up with the drug.

- source Oh, you can bet I would sue for like an insane, an imaginary amount. The piles of retribution I would seek would be like something from Scrooge McDuck:

You know you’re with me on THAT one. Next: somehow, against all odds, Victoria Beckham got some Golden Lady tips from my homegirl Leslie Hall for her costume for the Spice Girls concert. Observe:

And of course, the lovely Leslie:

You can get more information about the spicy Leslie Hall; I guarantee you’ll become a fan. Next! Jenna Bush calls her dad on the Ellen Show:
OMG, I am so enamored with Jenna Bush right now. This almost, ALMOST, makes me regret voting Democrat. ALMOST.
Hey, remember Charlotte Church? Well, apparently her boyfriend is a HUGE wanker!
Yep, Gavin Henson, who is a rugby player and won some big game or something, got all drunk on a train celebrating a win, was puking and punching and cussing up a storm, and a whole bunch of passengers were (rightly) pretty irritated with him. She sure picks the winners, doesn’t she? - source
On to better things: the first FIVE MINUTES of The Golden Compass, my loverlies! Check it out!

This looks SO GOOD. What do you think? Good, bad, indifferent? I’m not a HUGE fan of Nicole Kidman, but I think I’ll like her in this movie. Speaking of movies, here’s the official The Dark Knight poster. I just have three words for this poster/movie: Cuh. Ree. Py.

The movie is most likely going to have a bit of the Suck factor, but anything with Christian Bale can’t be a total loss. - source

In other kind of skeezy news, we have (for some reason that Baby Jebus only knows) Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo in a very awkwardly posed photoshoot.

It’s like Martha Stewart came in and splashed all over the place. Gross. You just know Jessica Simpson is using these for dart practice…well, either that, or she cut out Vanessa’s head and put pictures of her in there instead. Kind of like THIS!

Let’s see, what else can I tell you about today….

• Posh Spice is on the cover of Elle
• You can buy Mary Carey’s former boobs, if you really want to
• Brad Pitt reassures Larry King that he is NOT a homewrecker
• Beyonce and Jay-Z have a quiet birthday celebration in gay Paree

Yup, that’s about it! Until Thursday, I leave you this incredible masterpiece:

Sigh…I think I got a little teared up on that one. Talk to you tomorrow, happy little Internet friends!

Most of the time I would say that Barbara Walters is full of horsepucky, and this time is really no exception. Once she has an agenda she sticks to it, know what I mean? Here’s what she had to say about Heather Mills today on the View:

Barbara Walters dished on Heather Mills during “The View” today. She’s interviewed Mills twice and had nothing nice to say about Paul McCartney’s ex after her behavior at the second interview, by which time she was with Paul. Mills complained about the temperature of a glass of water she was given to sip.
Said Barbara in the context of the longer anecdote, “She was extremely difficult… She was so impossible to our producers.”
Walters is generally nice about all her coveted celebrity interviews, but as she showed today, it’s not a good idea to be mean to her producers.

Nice, huh? Here’s the video and interview that they’re referring to, parts 1 and 2:

She can NOT be serious, right? Anyone who’s done even a rudimentary reading of how Germany was under the Nazi regime knows that this is utter horseshit. Check out the video:

What do you think?