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So! Apparently, Tom and Kate were on the official Scientology Party Ship (yes, there is such a thing), and now they’re suspected of having asbestos poisoning. Looks like the Thetans kind of messed up on this one, don’t you think? There is a serious side to this, though, because if they DO have asbestos poisoning, they could get cancer and die.

(That would be bad.)

Here is the complete Tom Cruise on Oprah interview.

Part 1:

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Here are some excerpts from the Tom Cruise Oprah Interview, tentatively titled “See! I’m Not Crazy!”

On the Couch Jumping Incident

“When we finished that show with you jumping up on the sofa, I was like, ‘Wow. What was that?’” she tells him in an interview in his Telluride, Colo., home. “I had no idea it was going to turn into an international brouhaha, as I’m sure you did not either.”

She even confesses, “I was a little nervous coming up this morning, I have to admit, because you and I have not sat down for a real conversation since the sofa incident.”

Cruise tells Winfrey, “I just felt that way, and I feel that way about her.

“I can’t even articulate it, to be honest,” he adds. “That feeling, that connection. Just who she is and what she means to me.”

Of the negative response to his couch jumping, Cruise says, “It just kind of kept going.

“Those things I kind of go, ‘You just have to take in stride.’ It just kind of became a confluence of things.” Read more

Remember this?

Awww, yeah. The beginning of countless parodies, crazy talk, and quiet speculation that Tommy Boy had finally gone off his meds. Well, it’s about to happen again (hopefully they’ll have removed the offending couch) because Tom Cruise is coming back to Oprah for the first time since this infamous appearance three years ago. Apparently he’s coming up on the 25th anniversary of his role in “Risky Business”, one of the crappiest movies of the 80’s, and there’s going to be a TWO PART SPECIAL to celebrate it, with people taping messages to honor Tom for his acting skills.

I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we just play Yahtzee and compare our cuticles? Because honestly, I think that might be more entertaining. Oprah has seriously jumped the shark. Time for girlfriend to cash it in and hole up with the Dalai Lama or something.