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Dr. Drew is one hot biyatch. On his show yesterday, he called out Tom Cruise for being crazy:

“A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”

Wha wha whatttt???!?! Somebody better call the FBI stat, because you know the Scientologists are going to circle the wagons and bust a cap in Dr. Drew’s booty. I’m not even kidding. He’d better watch his back but good. Tom’s handlers had this to say in retaliation:

“This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”

Oh, so he’s a Nazi now? Please. Don’t these Cruise spokespeople have better things to do, like keep Katie on her meds so she doesn’t “accidentally” escape from the compound? That radio collar does eventually run out of batteries, you know. She’s just biding her time.

Just what every crazy Scientologist needs: a brand of pot named after them. Apparently, there’s a new strain of medical marijuana named “Tom Cruise Purple” that makes you see things that aren’t actually, uh, THERE. If it’s named for Tommy Boy, shouldn’t it make you jump up and down on couches, marry robotic Amazons, star in Nazi movies, and make long speeches about L.Ron Hubbard?

Aww! Now WHY is everyone always ragging on Scientology? They look like they’re having fun, singing some songs, dancing, hailing Xenu, etc. Good clean fun!