Cute pictures of Tom, Katie, and Suri celebrating the Fourth in Telluride, Colorado.

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Dr. Drew is one hot biyatch. On his show yesterday, he called out Tom Cruise for being crazy:

“A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”

Wha wha whatttt???!?! Somebody better call the FBI stat, because you know the Scientologists are going to circle the wagons and bust a cap in Dr. Drew’s booty. I’m not even kidding. He’d better watch his back but good. Tom’s handlers had this to say in retaliation:

“This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”

Oh, so he’s a Nazi now? Please. Don’t these Cruise spokespeople have better things to do, like keep Katie on her meds so she doesn’t “accidentally” escape from the compound? That radio collar does eventually run out of batteries, you know. She’s just biding her time.

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So! Apparently, Tom and Kate were on the official Scientology Party Ship (yes, there is such a thing), and now they’re suspected of having asbestos poisoning. Looks like the Thetans kind of messed up on this one, don’t you think? There is a serious side to this, though, because if they DO have asbestos poisoning, they could get cancer and die.

(That would be bad.)

Here is the complete Tom Cruise on Oprah interview.

Part 1:

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Here are some excerpts from the Tom Cruise Oprah Interview, tentatively titled “See! I’m Not Crazy!”

On the Couch Jumping Incident

“When we finished that show with you jumping up on the sofa, I was like, ‘Wow. What was that?’” she tells him in an interview in his Telluride, Colo., home. “I had no idea it was going to turn into an international brouhaha, as I’m sure you did not either.”

She even confesses, “I was a little nervous coming up this morning, I have to admit, because you and I have not sat down for a real conversation since the sofa incident.”

Cruise tells Winfrey, “I just felt that way, and I feel that way about her.

“I can’t even articulate it, to be honest,” he adds. “That feeling, that connection. Just who she is and what she means to me.”

Of the negative response to his couch jumping, Cruise says, “It just kind of kept going.

“Those things I kind of go, ‘You just have to take in stride.’ It just kind of became a confluence of things.” Read more

Okay, so Tom Cruise is going back on Oprah, apparently because we didn’t have enough slices of Crazy Pie the first time. Pundits are guessing that him and Oprah are going to shoot the shizzit about his couch jumping antics, Katie, Scientology, and the premise that DUDE IS FREAKING INSANE. Oh, and as an added bonus? He asked (*cough* threatened *cough*) a whole bunch of his “friends” to call in and tell us all how incredible amazing Tom Cruise is. So we understand that all this craziness? This hoopla? Totally irrelevant, man.

You gonna watch? It’s Maverick-approved!

Remember this?

Awww, yeah. The beginning of countless parodies, crazy talk, and quiet speculation that Tommy Boy had finally gone off his meds. Well, it’s about to happen again (hopefully they’ll have removed the offending couch) because Tom Cruise is coming back to Oprah for the first time since this infamous appearance three years ago. Apparently he’s coming up on the 25th anniversary of his role in “Risky Business”, one of the crappiest movies of the 80’s, and there’s going to be a TWO PART SPECIAL to celebrate it, with people taping messages to honor Tom for his acting skills.

I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we just play Yahtzee and compare our cuticles? Because honestly, I think that might be more entertaining. Oprah has seriously jumped the shark. Time for girlfriend to cash it in and hole up with the Dalai Lama or something.

So for some reason, Will Smith is having to deal with rumors that he is a Scientologist. Well, it’s probably because he hangs around with Crazy McCrazystein Tom Cruise all the freaking time, and I’m pretty sure that Tommy Boy is “witnessing” to Big Willy Style like every chance he gets. Regardless, here’s what Will had to say about Scientology:

Smith, a good buddy of Scientology poster boy Tom Cruise, denies he is a church member. “You don’t have to be Jewish to be a friend of Steven Spielberg. You don’t have to be a Muslim to be a friend of Muhammad Ali. And you don’t have to be a Scientologist to be a friend of Tom Cruise,” Smith tells us. “I am a Christian. I am a student of all religions. And I respect all people and all paths.”

- source

Actually, I think you *do* have to be a Scientologist to be a friend of Tom Cruise. Or at least someone he can practice his mind-controlling powers on (I’m looking at you Katie).

Good Monday morning to you, Snarkarinos! How are you this fine morning? Got your donut? Got your coffee? Well, here’s your morning gossip.

Apparently, and this is not that surprising, Tom Cruise actually auditioned various actresses for the role of his robotron wife. Listen to this:

Following Tom’s split from Penelope Cruz in 2004, the megastar told his BFF (and head of Scientology) David Miscavige that he was having trouble meeting women. So the church sent out a casting call that said, “There’s an upcoming Tom Cruise movie you might get a part in. Come for an audition.” There were of course restrictions: You had to be single, pretty and in your twenties.

While a few female Scientologists were rounded up — Traffic’s Erika Christensen and CSI: Miami’s Sofia Milos — they were all rejected as Tom focused his attention on bigger stars. “They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order,” Marc says. “Jennifer and Jessica didn’t bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn’t do a tape…”

But Katie Holmes popped into the Scientologist’s minds because she had previously spoken out about her crush on Tom. “They got her to L.A. and introduced her to Tom. The moment he meets her, he’s enthralled with her and he told Miscavige later, “I knew immediately she was the one,” Marc says.

- source

Interesting. I wonder what exactly “enthralled” him about her….the fact that she seemingly has no mind of her own? Curious.