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Light up a cigar and pass the stale bubble gum, because Tori Spelling has done popped out another baby.

Tori welcomed baby Stella Doreen (I actually really, really like that name) yesterday; baby was 6 pounds, 8 ounces. Mom and baby are doing fine. Big brother Liam is currently plotting on how to steal back the attention from little sister; so far, he’s got taking off his diaper, pitching a screaming fit, and throwing oatmeal on the agenda.

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Just so you know, because this is SUPER IMPORTANT, Tori Spelling is set to pop out another baby spawn today out of her fertile loins. As you can see from this picture taken yesterday, everything is ready: the boobies have ripened nicely in anticipation of the milk they are about to start spraying about willy-nilly, her hips have widened to give greater support to the giant watermelon that’s about to come shooting forth, and she’s wearing sunglasses. They don’t have much to do with the baby coming, but still, I kind of like them.

Tori is one of those people that you’re not sure you should like or hate; after all, she got her husband by boinnking him while she was married and he was married. To other people. And that doesn’t sit really well with me. But then again, she did give us such moments as this:

Okay. So we all know that Tori Spelling doesn’t really have anything to do with her time other than boink other women’s husbands and get knocked up, right? Well, she’s realizing that as well, and is making it known that she would LOVE to be in a 90210 remake. She really would. REALLLLLLLLLLYYYYY. Listen to this:

• “My dad always wanted to do a new version of 90210, so I’m sure he will be beaming from above!”
• I’d love to somehow be a part of it. That as well would make my dad proud!”
• Well, I am a mom now, proud to say, but obviously too young to have a teenager, so maybe I could be one of the main character’s young stepmom.”
• “Playing the funny sex ed teacher at the high school would be funny, too, considering Donna Martin was America’s most infamous virgin.”

Nothing smells like desperation more than invoking your DEAD FATHER’s supposed plans for a new spinoff starring you, Tori. I think maybe you should look into switching prenatal vitamins or something, okay?

Tori Spelling, a woman not known for her tact, stated today that she wants her ex-husband to read her new book so he will understand what went wrong between them.

Um, well, here’s the short version, Ex-Spelling Husband: Your wife decided to sleep with another man, while you were still in the picture. Ta da! Just saved you $25.

Anyway, here’s Tori’s statement:

Spelling, who is now married to Dean McDermott, divorced actor Charlie Shanian in 2006 but claims they never got the chance to talk through the split.
So she now thinks the best thing Shanian can do would be to read her new book “Tori Telling” if he wants an explanation as to why their union finished.
She says, “We never really had closure, so maybe it would help him understand better where I was coming from. I never went into deep explanations about why the relationship didn’t work. You don’t want to read that in a book, but that’s the way it goes.”

Honeychile, I really, seriously doubt that Charlie is sitting around crying into his beer over how you dumped him for Mr. Klassy, who, by the way, is probably just serving his time until something richer and prettier comes along. You just keep “writing” your “books” though - whatever helps you sleep at night!